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Monday, August 20, 2012

No Rest for the Weary

It was not a restful weekend.  Stephanie ended up being released from the hospital at around 2:00 Saturday.  We went home, and I was so tired, didn’t get much done.

I ended up eating lunch at the hospital:  A grilled chicken sandwich with saut√©ed onion, bell pepper and mushrooms with a little fat free mayo.  I had some fruit with that.  It was actually very yummy.  The “worst” part about that is that the bun was white bread.  But it seemed to be the best choice unless I got a salad, and I had so many salads during the week, I just wasn’t up for that.

I found a scale at the hospital before I left and weighed.  Of course, I was fully clothed and already had breakfast in me, so I knew it wouldn’t show my true weight compared to my last.  It was up above my last weigh-in enough where I knew I had not really lost anything last week.  That was kind of discouraging , because I felt like I did really well, considering what all was going on.  When I voiced my disappointment to Bethany, she said, “Did you gain any?”  I said no.  She said, “Well, there you go.  You went through a very stressful week and didn’t gain any weight.  You did good!”  I guess so, but I was still kind of disappointed.

I got home and kind of let down my guard.  I was so tired after being away from home for almost 8 days, I just didn’t feel like being “strict” with myself.  I was trying to hold it together, because I wanted to get a true weigh-in the next morning.  However, during the afternoon I had a piece of cracked wheat sourdough bread, some sugar free Italian ices (2) and about 1/3 of a medium bag of Multigrain Tostitos.  And then for dinner, I had some Chicken Tortilla Soup from On the Border (not bad), but I also had 3 flour tortillas and a little queso.  That’s all I remember eating, but it was too much.

In the wee hours of Sunday morning, Stephanie woke me up – she was in a LOT of pain.  Her alarm had not gone off, so she was late taking her pain medication.  She took it, but it wasn’t helping and we were trying to decide what to do, because it was getting worse and worse and she said to call 911 (she was screaming in pain).  So the ambulance came and got her and took her to the nearest hospital.  It took them a loooong time to get her pain under control.  At first they were going to keep her, because they couldn’t send her home like that.  Finally, after a lot of drugs, she was calm and pain was reasonably under control, so they sent us home.

At the hospital, there were some nurses who were totally uncaring and unprofessional, in my opinion.  They basically told her to shut up, she was disturbing other patients, on two different occasions.  (Now, I understand the need for someone to be authoritative and to help her realize screaming is doing no good and to calm down and breathe deep, etc., but you can do that in a calm and caring manner.  This was not like that.)  The pain would calm down for a bit, and then it would come back – from under control to 10 in a matter of seconds.  I or she would tell them it was coming back and they wouldn’t do anything.  No explanation, a lot of the time.  They just treated her like “that patient” who was there to get drugs and ignored her and me.  No explanation that she had been given all they could for then – just nothing.  And we heard them out in the hall talking about her in ridicule.  Steph, even in her drugged state, saw and heard them talking about her – making fun of her – in the group gathered around the nurse’s station.  I thought one of those nurse’s should have been fired.  I was in tears a lot of the morning.  Partly because I was watching her in so much pain and couldn’t do anything about it, and partly because I was so mad at how she was being treated.  I don’t get mad easily, but I was mad!  I told the nurse that she doesn’t act like that all the time – she is not a drama queen – she was really in pain.  (If I have learned anything over the last couple of months, it’s that when Steph was saying something was wrong and her stomach was hurting, she wasn’t making it up.)  The nurse just kind of shrugged it off.  I was so upset, I called the hospital information from the room and told them I was in the ER and that I was not happy with the attitudes of some of the nurses and could I please speak to someone about it.  They forwarded my call to a “supervisor.”  I got voicemail.  I left a detailed message about what was going on, even in tears.  Today, I found the e-mail address for addressing matters such as these and I wrote them a long e-mail, letting them know my complaint and concerns.  I’ve only touched on it lightly here.

Toward the end of the time we were there, Bethany came to bring us stuff and stay with us – we had thought up until the end that they were going to keep her, since that is what they said.  When Bethany got there and I had someone else to “lean on,” the tears started coming and I couldn’t make them stop.  I had just reached my limit over the last couple of weeks.  I didn’t want to fall apart in front of Stephanie (who was probably too drugged to remember, anyway), so I went to the restroom and had a good cry.  I had a hard time stopping.  I was so spent.  I would not even look at those nurses, I was so angry.  And that was making me cry even more.

We were released from there at around 12:15 or 12:30.  Earlier, I had gotten some trail mix out of the vending machine, so I would have something in my stomach when I took my pain med.  (It seemed like the best option they had.)  I was needing the pain med while sitting around that ER.  We had to go get prescriptions filled before we went home and Bethany went and picked us up Schlotszky’s and frozen yogurt for lunch (for me and her, Stephanie was in no shape to eat anything).  By the time I got home, I was in no shape to care what I ate or track my food or anything.  I didn’t actually do too bad, though.  After eating the food from Schlotszky’s (a smoked turkey breast on wheat bread and some baked chips, plus a serving of frozen yogurt with fresh mango), we all took a nap.  Late afternoon, I was going to make some chicken soup I had been planning to make, and went to the grocery store to get a few things we needed.  Beth stayed with Stephanie (it’s been a long time since I felt like I needed a babysitter).  At the store, I was wanting something sweet.  I knew if I got anything with multiple servings, I would be out of control.  They had some different kinds of cake in the bakery in single servings, so I got a piece of carrot cake.  I ate that and intended not to eat anything else.  But when the soup got done, I wanted to try it, so I had a small bowl (probably 1/3 of a serving) of that, and that was it for the day.

With all that happened yesterday morning, I never got an official weigh-in, so I just put my weight down the same as last week, and will leave it at that.

Last night, I was praying that I could finally spend an entire night in my own bed without having to go to the ER, because the last two nights I slept in my own bed, Stephanie woke me up and we had to go to the ER.  I was hard asleep, when she woke me up at around Midnight or so.  No ER this time, but she was hurting because of the trapped gas and air you get when you have abdominal surgery.  She (who typically doesn’t like being touched, even by me) had found it very soothing when I rubbed her back when I was trying to get her calmed down in the ER, so she lay on my bed next to me and asked me to rub her back.  She said it helped her calm down.  She took some gas medicine, and after a bit, I said that a warm bath might help her too.  So she ran some bath water and lay in the bathtub for a bit.  Then she came in and said the medicine had taken effect and she was feeling better, so she went back to bed.  I had to set my alarm to give her a dose of medicine at 4:00 a.m., so did that.  After a bit, she came in again and was having more problems and asked me to rub her back.  We did that for a bit (I kept falling asleep and would wake up and realize what I was supposed to be doing).  Finally, she went back to bed.  A few more minutes and it was time to get up.  I had to take her to a doctor’s appointment at 8:15, which meant we had to leave the house at 7:00 a.m.  She was too drugged to drive herself.  I did that, dropped her back at the house and came on to work.  So that was my “restful” weekend.

Before I left the house this morning, I had three scrambled eggs and a banana.  That was breakfast.  On the way to work after dropping Stephanie at home, I had a 100-calorie pack of almonds.  Then I had some of the soup I made and some fruit for lunch.  I’m back on track today, tracking an everything.  I’ve had a good amount of water so far.

I am trying to cut down on dairy and wheat products, even if not completely, so I am going to change what I am eating for breakfast for now.  After I get moved, I am going to do the 6-week program in Blood Sugar Solution and see how much better I am feeling.  Then I will add dairy and wheat products back, one at a time, to see how they affect me.

That’s it for today.  I hope my life calms down soon, or I am going to need someone to nurse me.  In all of this, I still have to get ready to move in just over a week.  I don’t know how I am going to get it all done.


  1. Holy cow woman! You have been through hell this past weekend. I'm with Bethany, "Well, there you go. You went through a very stressful week and didn’t gain any weight. You did good!"

    PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE recognize and validate your good choices. A week like this with no gain is a SUPER HUGE achievement. If you don't give yourself a pat on the back then you risk giving up altogether. "Dieting" has to fit into real life. And in real life sometimes all hell breaks loose and the best you can do is hang on for dear life and try to make the best choices at the vending machines, which you did.

    Get your self care and your self love in order my friend. Start praising yourself. And congratulations for getting back on track yesterday. Falling off, and getting back on, is a necessary skill if you are going to stick with this for life. Great job practicing it this weekend. And also, great job for posting honestly about what you ate. Getting it out has always really helped me to move on from eating mistakes. You are doing so incredibly awesome, I hope you can see that.

    1. Thank you so much! That really helps. I think I have been so focused on wanting to meet the 40-pound goal before I move, and I was disappointed at not having a loss. But it's not like life has been ordinary lately. I will do as you say -- pat myself on the back. Thank you so much!


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