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Saturday, August 11, 2012

Here We Go Again

It is 5:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning, and I am at the ER again. Steph has continued to have pain since getting out of the hospital, at varying degrees. This morning she began to have the pain and distension like before and she began to get all panicky and towards hysterical. We went to the ER in Mansfield, which is a lot closer than Plano, where she was in the hospital before.

When I say how I am feeling, please know none of it is directed at Stephanie. She can't help it and I am sure she is 100% feeling this more than I am, but I am so very tired of this. I want life to be normal again. We have been through so many medical problems with Stephanie. I just want her to get past all of this. But all of the wishing in the world does not make it happen, and so I just have to try to deal with life as it comes.


It is now almost 8:30. The test results have come back and Steph has another obstruction. She is being transferred back to Plano. So, all those plans I talked about yesterday -- scratch that. You know what I will be doing. I am going to stop by the house for a few minutes to get some things, meet the guy who is coming to look at my bike (who didn't show up - had car troubles), etc. Then up to Plano. Please tell me they will do this surgery immediately and not drag it out for days. They started an NG tube and are transporting her by ambulance.

Later Still

I went home and got all of our things packed, including some food I will need while I am here. I took an ice chest this time with some things to help me keep on track. I brought a large suitcase on wheels, to lessen the amount I had to carry, but it was still a lot. I don't know how long she will be here, and I wanted to be prepared. My boss offered to pay for a hotel for me last time (at the end of our stay); it would be nice if he did so again. My back would stay in much better shape and I would rest much better.

First, I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few things -- some fruit, 100-calorie packs of almonds, paper bowls and plasticware, etc. I brought a big container of Greek yogurt with me, as well as my Kashi GoLean cereal, so I can have my usual breakfast.

I stopped off at the lofts where I am moving to sign my lease. I had to get that done, so cable and utilities could be ordered in time for moving in. It seems the prior tenants did not cancel their accounts, so they wouldn't set up orders for me until I had proof (with a signed lease) that I was the one going to be living there. So, I signed the lease and faxed the signed lease to the cable company, so my installation could be scheduled. If I did not, I would be living there a couple of weeks before they could get things hooked up. (We can't have that!)

I got that done, stopped and picked me up a small smoked turkey breast on wheat sandwich at Schlotszky's, and came on to the hospital in Plano. Stephanie had been here a while and they still did not have an IV in, which meant she had not had pain meds since she left Mansfield. I walked in and she was up on her hands and knees on the bed, throwing up into a bag, even though she had an NG tube in her nose. No one was in here looking after her. I made my presence known and got up to speed on what was going on. they were going to do a PICC line (I have not idea what that stands for, but it is a line going through the vein to the heart through which they can give medications, fluids, etc. Stephanie is extremely difficult to get a vein on for an IV). They are doing the PICC line at this moment. They bring in "outside people" to do that, and they had to wait for them to get here. He set up, almost like he was going to do surgery -- wearing a mask, covering up the rest of her body with sterile paper, etc. He has a screen he is looking at as he feeds the line in. I pray he finishes soon, so she can get some pain relief. They did finally get her suction fixed on her NG tube so she is not vomiting anymore. Poor baby; she has been through so much.

I don't understand why this keeps happening. They say it is from scar tissue from prior surgeries. I have this theory. Stephanie scars very "big" on the outside. She has had many surgeries, and her scars are very thick and visible on a lot of them. Maybe she is that way on the inside too. I wonder if there is anything they can do about that. She has been through way too much in her life, and I just want her to be well and to not have to struggle with these things so much.

I pray they will get this taken care of quickly, because I worry about her job being in jeopardy. Employers just need people to be there, regardless if it is a good reason to be gone. I would go up there and do her job for her while she is sick, if I could. She is a receptionist in a law firm. I could do that.

Now, to me. I must not let this throw me off again. I did pretty well when she was in the hospital in June, but it was difficult. I am thankful that I have a definite plan to follow. I know when I am on track and when I am not. I brought me some "workout clothes" and my shoes so I can walk around the hospital campus and get some exercise. I just need to do it this time. Today has been a little cooler than it has been, thank the Lord. (It's bad when you think 95 degrees is "cool".)

I woke up with a lot of knee pain this morning.  A LOT.  It's the same kind that hit me the other night.  I have to think it is related to the walking, but I don't know.  I feel like I have to keep going until my bike is fixed, however.  I will be so glad to get moved so I will have other exercise options.

It's about to get lost in the shuffle, but today was weigh-in day. I lost 2.4 pounds this week. Yay!  I have every intention of having a good loss next Saturday, no matter what goes on this week.  I can do this.  A garage sale may not happen next week, but that's okay.  Everything will work out.

I guess I will close for now.  I hope everyone is having a better weekend than mine is starting out.


  1. Sending good thoughts north...I totally understand your second paragraph. Sometimes? You're just DONE.

    1. Yes, but she needs my nurture and support as much as she always did, and I am having to try to pull it out of myself. That usually is not a problem. Shows you how done I feel right now.


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