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Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Getting Through the Rough Times

It has been a hectic last 24 hours.  There was a lot to get done at work, then I left for Stephanie’s surgery, waited quite a while for them to report back and then a long time more for her to be brought back to her room.  When she got back, she was grouchy and needy.  She was not happy that she was not going to be able to eat in the next few hours, or even allowed a drink of water.  They finally gave her some ice chips, saying the liquid would be sucked right back out the GN tube anyway.

Speaking of which, yesterday the GN tube started touching some kind of nerve that caused her to sneeze repeatedly and the tube came out.  They decided not to put it back in before surgery, and she was very happy about that.  However, they did put it in during surgery and she was not happy that she woke up with it.  So, she was grouchy about that, grouchy about not being able to eat, and grouchy about most everything.

She is on a pain pump (her pain this time is significant), so she finally was so sleepy she could not stay awake.  Did I say yesterday that my boss had paid for me a hotel room?  (He is the BEST!)  At some points yesterday evening I was not sure if I was going to be able to take advantage of it.  I hated to leave Steph with her feeling like that.  But when she was getting so sleepy, I asked her if she wanted me to sleep in the room with her or go to the hotel, and she said to go on to the hotel.  I was thankful, because my back was VERY SORE, yesterday.  The hotel was right next door to the hospital and he paid for three nights!

I got to the hotel after 11:00, and by the time I laid down, I fell right to sleep (also with the help of a muscle relaxant) and I don’t think moved all night.  The doctor was supposed to come by Steph’s room at 9:00, so I wasn’t going to go to work before that, since my boss is out today.

After I got the report about her surgery last night (she had A LOT of scar tissue – said he had never or rarely seen that much – so they removed that and resected the intestine), I went and got me some dinner at Chipotle.  I never had time to eat a “regular” lunch, and had just had some Greek yogurt and cereal, so I was pretty hungry.  I got a salad/bowl with lettuce, brown rice, black beans, fajita vegetables, steak, pico de gallo and guacamole.  That was 16 points.  I had 17 left for the day at that time.  I had weekly points I could use too, but for some reason hate to do that except when I am planning for it.  I decided that was silly, so I did take the salad dressing, telling myself I could use it if I felt like the “salad” needed it.  However, I had gotten the guacamole, thinking that might add enough flavor to the whole thing so I wouldn’t need it, and I was right.  I had some grapes later in the evening, so I came in with 37 points for the day, 1 under my target.  This bowl goes right along with what I am learning in Blood Sugar Solution, so I felt good about that.

I didn’t get a chance to eat until almost 10:00 this morning.  I waited for the doctor until 9:30 and finally gave up.  Of course, he came in right after I left.  All I know is they were going to cut off the GN tube (leave it in, but clamp it off), and if she didn’t have any nausea in the next four hours, then she could have liquids.  If she did okay on that, then she can eat some dinner.  She was not thrilled that they weren’t going to let her eat yet, but said she was going to try to sleep the next four hours so she wouldn’t think about it.  I think they are going to take things slower this time, and I don’t expect them to release her for at least a couple of days after the experience with the last time.  Secretly, I just hope no more scar tissue forms.  He said he didn’t think that would happen, but how can they know?  I do know that she has had some scar work after her external surgeries and it did not come back after they cut the scar tissue out.  I wish there was a “cure” for that.

She was very grouchy about her nurse this morning.  The nurse (a young Indian woman) would pat her and stroke her, and Stephanie did not like that.  She does not like to be touched by just anyone (there is a story behind that that I won’t go into here).  I did not detect anything behind the touches other than the nurse trying to show her care, but nurses probably should be aware that some patients do not like that.  If she was reading Stephanie’s body language, she would have known that, which makes it not an act of caring, but an act of invasion on her personal space.  But you hate to be rude and tell her not to touch her.  Maybe I will take her aside if she is her nurse tomorrow?  Stephanie doesn’t even like to be patted and stroked by me, much.

Anyway, on the way to work, I stopped at Braum’s and got their oatmeal they advertise (whole grain oatmeal with different fruits and a brown sugar topping; I was glad that the brown sugar topping was on the side.  I added the dried fruit (just a little package, about 90 calories) and a little of the topping.  It tasted bland – no salt and not sweet.  I decided to wait until I got to work so I could add some salt and I had some honey there that I felt better about adding.  So that is what I did – about a teaspoon of honey.  I also got a side of scrambled eggs (from what I could tell, there was not a bunch of fat in them, so I think that was a good choice).  Just trying to eat a lot of protein, and make my carbs whole grain and not bread, for the most part.

I think my headaches don’t want me to be alone.  They are my constant companion.  It did let up a little after some caffeine, but I still have a nagging one all day, which gets very old.  I am hoping dealing with my insulin resistance will help with this.  It said headaches can be a part of that and I have noticed that my headache will often stop when I am eating and for a short time after, but then comes back.  So it seems like eating must have something to do with it.

I miss my doggie and just being at home.  But all in all, this hasn’t been too bad.  I have handled it better than last time.  Today will be a quiet day with my boss gone, so that is good.  Things would be so much easier if I was already moved.  Bethany has been taking care of things at home, which is fine with me – somebody needs to take care of the dogs and keep things moving toward moving.  Steph feels a little put out because Beth hasn’t been up to see her.  It is so far up to Plano.  I wish Steph would not be so sensitive, but I guess it’s understandable when you don’t feel well.  I see it as Bethany being supportive by taking care of things we are not able to do because we are not at home.

It is definitely more difficult to eat as I should during times like these, but I am determined to stay on track.  However, I need to stop being afraid to use some of my weekly points.  I just want to use them in ways that are more productive for me.  Today, for lunch, I am going to get a Farmhouse Salad from Potbelly and put their vinaigrette dressing on it.  That comes to 14 points.  That is a lot of points, but I have them available and what I am spending them on is in line with helping with my insulin resistance problem.  Lots of protein, veggies and good fats.  Virtually no carbs, as far as breads, etc.

When I lost weight in 2009 (I lost 73 pounds), I did it the low fat way.  When I went for my annual check-up after doing that, my blood sugar was in the near-diabetic range and I had high blood pressure.  I was unhealthier, in some ways, than before I lost the weight.  That is because I was not dealing with my insulin resistance, I believe.  I think this way of eating will be much better.  Before, I was taking advantage of low fat foods, but they usually have more sugar and ultimately do me more harm than good.  So, now, I am less afraid of foods with some healthy fat in them than I am of those that are really low fat, but get their flavor from added sugar.  And WW helps me not overdo on that.

One thing I am not doing very well on is drinking my water.  I need to not make any excuses and just do it, so I am going to get me a big bottle of water and drink it with and after my lunch, and then refill it and drink another and then another.  Just do it.  (That’s what you said, right, Shelley?)  I actually have a sign on my refrigerator that says, “You will be glad a year from now that you started today.”  And I will be glad that I did not let this rough road trip me up.

I saw this picture Michelle posted on FB yesterday.  Good to keep in mind!  Another quote, from Joyce Meyers:  “Discipline is doing what you don’t want to do in order to have the things you say you want to have.”  So true.  So, although I might, at times, want to feed myself jelly beans to “comfort” myself in stressful times, what I really want is to live with no chronic pain and boundless energy and to feel good about the way I look.  I want to be able to wear whatever I want and look good in it, and the next time I see my ex, for his jaw to drop – the message being, comparing the old me to the new me, “This is how I looked with you, and this is how I look without you.  Get the message?”

I don’t have a plan for dinner, but I will get one between now and then.  I will use some weekly points today, but it’s okay; I am doing good.

4 comments:

  1. You are doing great, Sheryl, especially with all the chaos. I'm impressed!

    Glad that the surgery went well. :)

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    1. Not sure why my previous reply to you didn't post. Thank you for your encouragement. It really, really means a lot to me.

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  2. "what I really want is to live with no chronic pain and boundless energy and to feel good about the way I look." Keep saying this to yourself. It's powerful stuff. You are doing so great, I love following how you're learning, developing new insights and changing during this process. Keep it up!

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    1. Thank you so much, Michelle. That means a lot. And I am learning so much from you too.

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I welcome your comments and read every one! However, if you are trying to sell me or my readers something, your comment will be deleted posthaste. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you receive encouragement from it. --Sheryl