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Thursday, July 5, 2012

Exhausted

I worked until 3:00 a.m. Tuesday “night”.  Exhaustion is my constant companion right now.  I slept all day yesterday, so I guess that helped.  What a way to spend a “holiday.”

My eating yesterday, although not on plan, was not bad.  I did not eat much (some, but not a lot) until evening, when we picked up Whataburger.  Not a great option, but I was too exhausted to fix anything.  We didn’t have much in the house that was not healthy, so any grazing I did was on healthy foods (Greek yogurt bars, Kashi GoLean cereal, watermelon).  So, calorie-wise, it was probably a pretty decent day.  I did not work out and I did not work out this morning.

I have been reading how much stress can contribute to weight gain – specifically about the production of cortisol by the body and how that causes you to crave carbs.  Lack of sleep is not good either.  I worked 19 hours on Tuesday.  That cannot be good.  And I have been under a pretty good amount of stress lately. 

I have been trying to think of ways to help.  As soon as I move, I have been given permission to come in late on days after I have worked a really late night.  This will cut down on my OT and will help me get more of the rest I need.  I cannot do that now because of carpooling.  One thing I could do is on days when I think it is likely I will have to stay late, I could take an hour at lunch and take a nap in an extra office.  However, a lot of days, even though I get here at 8:00 a.m., about the time I am ready for lunch, my boss comes in and is ready to work.  So I end up eating lunch at my desk most days.

I don’t mean to be painting my boss in a bad light.  I think the world of him.  This is just how he works and I don’t think there will be any changing of him.  I do wish he was a little more mindful of my time.

I also need to find other ways to take care of myself and help reduce stress.  I have been taking some bubble baths lately.  I cannot remember the last time I had done this before the last couple of months.  A bubble bath, candles and soft instrumental music is very soothing.  I could go downstairs at work and get a chair massage every once in a while.  It is $1.00 per minute, so the cost is not prohibitive at all.  I have not done that since before my cervical fusion.  Maybe I will do that today.

I hate to say this, but some of my stress will be relieved when the kids have moved out on their own.  My daughters have been fighting a lot lately.  They are sharing a bedroom right now and are having a little too much togetherness.  Plus, Steph is on major medication right now that alters her moods.  I don’t want to say anything to take sides.  I see problems on both sides.  But I hate being caught in the middle of it, even just by listening to it going on in the house.  But usually I am brought in by each of them confiding in me about it.

I know exercise is a big stress reliever.  I am ready to be settled back into my exercise routine.  There is too much going on right now.

I hope the idea of coming in late the morning after working a late night will help.  If that doesn’t happen, I have to do some serious thinking about talking to my boss about working so many hours.  This is going to take a toll on my health if it continues as it has been for the last month.  I like the extra money I am making, but not at the price of my health.

I was talking to a friend about it and they said I was now in another “abusive relationship.”  Sigh.  Is it just that I am too easygoing?  I wanted to say Tuesday night that I had had enough and I needed to go home.  But when you have a deadline to meet (and this time, we did), I can’t just walk out on my boss.  My backup has offered to cover some nights when he works late.  I had no idea Tuesday evening that he was going to do that and most people had left for the holiday.  I feel bad that she has to give up her evenings to work in my place.  She doesn’t even get overtime for it, since she is considered management.  But, if I am honest with myself, I cannot keep doing this.

Stephanie’s GI doctor called to see how she was doing (actually her GI doctor’s PA).  That was late Tuesday afternoon.  She was going to tell the doctor about it and get back to her.  They called back this morning and told her she needed to come in at 4:00 this afternoon.  I am sure they are going to recheck her pancreatic enzymes.  Honestly, I am expecting them to readmit her.  She is going to the appointment with all of our stuff packed, with that possibility in mind.  There are some symptoms that I am extremely uncomfortable with (won’t go into them at this point).  I just know that pancreatitis is nothing to mess around with.  The pancreatic enzymes can attack other organs.  It can become life threatening.  If she is readmitted, I am going to tell my work that I need to take off until she is released.  No more of this trying to go back and forth and juggle everything.  I am too exhausted.  And I am going to buy me a little air mattress to put on the pull-out hospital couch so that I can hopefully sleep without exacerbating my own problems.  I will probably pack an ice chest with healthy things – yogurt, cereal, fruit, raw veggies, etc. to hopefully keep myself on a better track with my eating.

Okay, I am going to get this posted before I run off to the doctor’s office.

Food has been good today, so far!

2 comments:

  1. You really have a lot going on. Hopefully you can find some relief from SOMETHING soon.

    The couple thoughts that kept going through my mind as I read:

    1. You need to set yourself up for success. If you take a couple of steps to make it so that you can make better choices, even if stressed, you will be better off for it. Because wrong choices = more stress and it can be a viscious cycle.

    2. People treat us how we allow them to treat us. Perhaps you need to set some boundaries in regards to your personal time, i.e. you don't always have to work overtime. This also goes to setting yourself up for success.

    Have a great weekend - hope you get some rest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Helen. I have never been great with boundaries, but know that is a big thing for me. I did call in today and took a break. I had to have some rest. Just that makes a big difference.

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