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Monday, June 25, 2012

Where Does the "Will Power" Go?

Why is it when you go through times like these, your “will power” goes out the window?  I am still struggling, but I guess that is good.  It is when I quit struggling that I have given up.  So I will just keep struggling, even if I am not completely successful.

I am on track so far today.  I slept at home last night and am at work today, so it is somewhat my usual routine.  I did not do a workout this morning.  The days of sitting around the hospital are making me sore and achy and tired.  Probably a workout would have made me feel better, but I just did not have it in me.  Plus I had a lot to do to gather up some things to take back with me.  I don’t plan on going back home until Steph is released from the hospital, so I brought work clothes and everything I need to get ready every day, as well as things to occupy us while we are at the hospital (except food).  Actually, I packed 3 protein bars and my sparkling mineral water.  I found out they have a refrigerator for family, so I could bring some fruit or other items I might need, if I want to.

I’ve got my tennis shoes and hopefully will actually make use of them when I have a chance.  I am still much better pain-wise, as far as walking goes.

We got word a while ago that they will be doing surgery tomorrow.  I think I am glad.  If she is not going to get better without it, then we need to get on with it.  We will not know what time until after 8:00 tomorrow morning.  If the surgery is late in the day, I will come on to work after we hear, and stay until near time of the surgery.  Since I do not know how much care she will require once she gets home, I need to use my time off from work strategically.  I just realized we have a day off next week.  Hopefully it will be a little more restful than these last few “days off” have been.

My plan is to do some walking during the surgery itself and get somewhat of a workout then.  There is all kinds of air-conditioned space I could walk around in.  I will just put on my tennis shoes and set off at a little faster than normal pace than I normally walk.  How long will depend on my pain level.  Hopefully I can get a 30-minute walk or so at a good enough pace to elevate my heart rate.  I know there are two different “sky walks” that bridge from one facility to another, so I could make use of those.

I woke up in the night last night with pain shooting down my arm.  That hasn’t happened since my neck surgery.  I think it is because I have been sleeping in a recliner at the hospital and it is messing with my neck.  I packed my neck collar this time and will try to rearrange the way I am sleeping and hopefully that will take care of it.

My eating so far today:

This morning I had Greek yogurt, Kashi GoLean Crunch and some dried cranberries for breakfast.  I also had just a little pineapple.  I didn’t measure everything, but think my portions were pretty much what they usually are.

For lunch I had the Farmhouse Salad from Potbelly (which is in the basement of our office building).  I had some Newman’s Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette I used for salad dressing.  I told them to leave off the bacon bits, so the salad came out to 310 calories (It has grilled chicken, some boiled egg and some blue cheese).  I really wanted to get a cookie, but I didn’t.  I brought some watermelon and ate some of it at around 2:30.  I forgot how satisfying watermelon can be.  It hit the spot!  My cravings seemed to die down a little after lunch.  I wanted to do some emotional eating this morning, but did not, so hopefully that urge is past for today.  I am not naïve enough to think it will not be back in the next few days.

I had not budgeted for eating out as much as I have had to do the last few days.  At least all the extra hours are helping with that.  I still had 14 hours of overtime last week, even with missing 2-1/2 days of work.  I should have 37 hours OT (plus or minus) on this check.  Did I mention I got a raise?  It showed up on my last paycheck. Thankfully I also had a little bit of savings too.  I had just began to be able to put back money the last few months when my daughters started working full-time.

Stephanie’s brake light and service engine light came on in her car.  Since she is not earning anything while being off (she had not accrued much leave time at her job yet), I will probably have to pay for those things (service engine means she needs an oil change).  I just need to find the time to get the car into the shop.  I am driving it right now because my son is borrowing my car.  My daughter and I always carpool.  When it rains it pours.

My son just called and said his job is going well and he will be moving out in a week or so.  He had moved home temporarily after his roommate/best friend was killed.  He just needs to work out some issues for his own transportation, since I will need my car back when I move.  But I am happy things are moving along for him.  The stability and well-being of my kids makes a big difference in my life, since when things happen to them, I usually have a bigger load to carry (financially, not to mention emotionally).  The less of that that continues to happen, the more I am able to take care of myself and do what I need to do to lose this weight and have a happier, healthier life.  I haven’t had much help the last few years, which is one reason I work so much.  Actually, I am pretty proud of how I have come to prosper (compared to years past) in the last few years.  It has taken a lot of hard work, but I have been able to raise my kids myself and help them out when needed.  It is getting time for them to not need mama to do that anymore.  But they will always be my kids and I will always be there for them as best I can.

Boss is off to a hearing up in Plano.  I am hoping he will not be back by quitting time.  Taking into consideration the contentious nature of this case, that is a possibility.  Steph is already spending all day by herself at the hospital.  I at least want to be there in the evenings.  She says her pain level has been up a little today, as well as nausea.  I am so ready for her to be feeling better (for many reasons).

Guess that’s all for now.  Here’s hoping I hold things together this evening at the hospital.

1 comment:

  1. I'll be thinking about Steph tomorrow and hoping for a successful surgery that gets her on the road to health - poor girl has been through the wringer!

    You hang in there, Mom - there's light at the end of this tunnel.

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