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Friday, June 22, 2012

Tired

I am at work this morning.

I did not have a good evening last night, eating-wise.  I am trying to do better today.  Someone brought cupcakes, but so far, I have stayed away from them.  My eating yesterday was not on particularly bad stuff, just too much.  Stress is getting to me.

Stephanie’s vein (for the IV) blew this morning, and they have not been able to get another one.  They are putting in a main port (something about through her upper arm down to her heart).  Her glucose dropped low this morning (she hasn’t eaten in a couple of days now) and they need to be giving her some sugar water.  I am not sure what the status is of them getting the line in.  My backup has gone to a meeting (she was supposed to be off today), but is going to come back when she is done and I will go to the hospital then.  Then, she has to leave for something tonight and Jerry needs someone to work late to get him caught up for the weekend, so I will need to come back.  If I feel like I cannot, my backup said she would cancel her plans and work for me (bless her).  My other daughter, Bethany, said she would come this evening and stay with Steph, so at least I have that comfort that someone will be there for her.  She seemed a little hesitant because she wanted to get a workout first.  I understand that.  Hopefully she can take a few minutes to do that and then be there for Steph.

Even though I slept at home last night, I did not do a workout this morning.  Just too much going on.  I did weigh and probably will still show a loss this week (if I am on track today) even after last night.  Just have to stay away from those cupcakes.  I don’t have to eat them just because they are there.

I took a break to go see my daughter to see how she was doing.  When I got there (sometime around Noon), they had just gotten the line in and she finally got some pain medication, etc. (she had been without since 6:00 that morning).  She said she was extremely nauseous, but did not throw up.  She was hurting quite a bit, but not like she was Wednesday.  She went to sleep soon after I got there and slept a bit.

I ate lunch while at the hospital (a “sizzling salad,” which was fresh vegetables, a little pasta and “steak” stir fried with some sauce, served over greens, and some yogurt for dessert).

My backup had to leave at 3:00, so I went back to work.  I was so tired and not in a very good frame of mind.  I ate a cupcake.  I am afraid I have added to it since then.  I guess nothing too major, but it seems like it because of my frame of mind.  I am stress eating.  There is not much available, so I guess I haven’t done as much damage as I feel like I have – a few hard candies, a protein bar and a granola bar.  I just want to get back to normal.  I need to try harder tomorrow.  I think it will be easier since I won’t have to be juggling work responsibilities with hospital/daughter “duty” (I would rather be there with her than anywhere else, really).  I think part of my problem is I am feeling resentful toward my boss for making me be here tonight (it is now after 8:00 p.m.) when I feel like I need to be with my daughter.  I know he feels the need to be caught up before the weekend, but it seems like as long as there is not a strict deadline we are missing, it could wait.  Or he could dictate it all and I could do it Monday.  But I am punishing no one but myself by letting it make me stress eat, so I really have to get a handle on it.

I am going to shut this down now so we can finish work and I can go.  Hopefully I can do a little walking tomorrow and maybe make up for some of the damage I have done the last couple of days.

I snapped the picture below just to show you how tired I look.  I didn’t intend to have the glum face, but accidentally snapped the picture before I was ready.  I guess it showed how I was really feeling, so I just went with it.  (For some reason I am having a big problem with chapped lips right now.  I just can’t get them to heal up no matter how much I slather on chapstick, etc.)  I did not ever get makeup on today.  At least I have decent skin (for a 52-year old).


Have a good weekend everyone.

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