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Thursday, June 7, 2012

A Stumble (June 7, 2012)

Let me start out by saying, I was “bad” today.  It is not even 2:00 in the afternoon, but I have been bad.

It started out:

I am frustrated at the moment.  My daughter has been sick for a couple of days with a stomach virus (I guess it’s a virus).  She was kind of sick Tuesday, pretty sick yesterday with cramps and some nausea, and still feeling bad today.  We discussed this morning whether she should go to the doctor.  She decided not to go because she would have to take me to work, so she would have the car available.  So I went on to work.  Now she has decided she needs to go and so I have to go home (it’s a long way!) and get her.  If I had known this, I would have had my other daughter drop me at work and left her the car.  The thing is, I suspect she will go to the doctor and there will be little they can do for her.  She already has some Phenergan for nausea (it hasn’t helped).  If it’s a virus, there is nothing they can do.  Hopefully they will give her something to help the cramps.  I just have a feeling it will be a waste of time and money (a virus has to run its course).

While all that is going on, a vendor shows up and drops off a bunch of pastries for me (to try to win my business).  Great timing.  I put them in the kitchen and put out an e-mail that they were in there and that will be that.  But it is not like I wasn’t tempted.

They put out leftovers from lunch yesterday.  That is what I planned to have, but I wish they had not put them out so early.  If I didn’t get mine early, I probably would not have gotten any (because it would be all gone), but I am afraid I have eaten too early and will be hungry later.  I was really hungry.  This is turning into a challenging day.

I had written that when I went to get my daughter.  I was still frustrated and irritable.  You would have to know me, but I am not often irritable.  I am a very genuinely cheerful person (not perky, but cheerful), and I don’t usually sweat the small stuff.  I guess I have grown weary of taking care of everyone else a lot of the time.

I think one problem was that I was hungry.  I started out this morning thinking I would have another half of a protein bar before my morning workout, because it helped yesterday.  Because I did that, at my usual breakfast, I decided to forego my morning fruit to save the calories for later.  At 11:15 or so, they put out the leftovers from yesterday’s lunch.  I ate that at about 11:30 a.m., and was not satisfied.  I still had fruit I could eat when I got back, but while driving home to get my daughter, I decided I was going to eat extra.  I was hungry and I was irritable and I was tired of taking care of everyone else all the time.  I got a protein bar at home and ate it on the way back to work (I actually got two, but only ate one).  While I was driving, I decided I was going to do more damage.  I was trying to keep myself awake as I drove – I was so sleepy! – and I decided I was going to have a Red Bull.  Since I am staying away from aspartame (that stuff is really bad for you!), it would have to be the full sugar one.  I also decided I was going to have some chicken nuggets at Chick-Fil-A and a dessert.  The only dessert they had besides a cookie (not enough in my current state of mind) and ice cream (I did not want to advertise my cheating that much by getting ice cream), was a brownie.  I am not even a big chocolate eater, but that’s what I got.

I have to say, the food really did not taste very good.  I was eating the chicken nuggets and the barbecue sauce seemed super sweet.  Too sweet.  The brownie was over-the-top sweet and rich and – yuck.  But I still ate it, of course.  So far, that (and the Red Bull) is the extent of my damage.  I feel sickly full.  We will see how I feel tonight.  If I am hungry, I should just eat what I normally would have and pretend like the rest never happened.  If I am not hungry, I won’t eat, except for maybe a little fruit or something.  I don’t want to wake up ravenous in the morning and start the same thing all over again.

I know these things are bound to happen sometimes and it did not happen for me for over a month, so that is better than I have often done in the past.  I just have to accept it and move on.  If I continue to be hungry, I will need to think about increasing my calorie intake.  I don’t want real hunger to lead to something like that again.  I don’t think I would have done it if I wasn’t really hungry when it started.

The good news is, I tried one of the “hills” programs on my exercise bike this morning.  I chose a beginner level and it was called “rolling hills.”  The most resistance it got up to was 7 (and I regularly work out at 6).  It was 30 minutes and I went 6.40 miles.  I had no problem doing the workout.  I was excited!  This gives me more confidence that I can ride a bicycle, if I decided to get it, at least on near-flat surfaces.  I haven’t decided yet, but I will keep working with these programs to try to build my strength and stamina and prepare myself.  And I am keeping my eye out for a flat area to ride.  My neighborhood has a fairly significant incline from one end of the street to the other.  I would never have noticed it except in this context.

In the meantime, I have been walking around today with virtually no pain!  I am feeling better, little by little.  I am so glad.  This is a big breakthrough, I think.  I just have to not let today’s mess-up affect me tomorrow and continue doing what I know to do.  The scale seems to be being stubborn this week, so this is probably not going to help any.  Although, you never know, sometimes it shakes you loose from plateauing.  We will see.

Now the day has progressed a little further and I feel bad.  My daughter went to the doctor and they think she has pancreatitis.  That is not good.  She is having some tests run, but when I read about it, it sure sounds like it.  She had her gall bladder out when she was 17 and a “condition” she has had off and on since then, which they have said was “gas” or “diverticulosis” or whatever, could have been the beginnings of pancreatitis.  Something about a bile duct being blocked.  She has been in a lot of pain the last few days and, I am afraid, I have not been as sympathetic as I should.  She is so hard to read sometimes.  She is very vocal about aches and pains.  If you are reading this, Steph (which I don’t think she has been), sorry!  She has had so many physical problems over the years.  I am (and she is) ready for her to be in good health!!!!

I only worked a little late tonight.  It is 7:00 p.m.  I expected it.  Such is my life.  Maybe I can go for a walk when I get home (if it is done raining) and get my 10th workout for the week done so I can take tomorrow off.

Have a good evening everyone.

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