I forgot that I bought an AFLAC hospitalization policy this year (beginning January 1). However, it only covers dependents under age 25 (Stephanie turned 25 in April). However, a statement in the application said if they are covered at the time of application, the coverage will last until the anniversary date of the policy after the dependent’s 25th birthday, which would mean through the end of this year. So we are hopeful Stephanie will have some good coverage for her lost wages. I am checking to make absolutely sure.
I am sitting here wanting something to eat. I had breakfast at the hospital this morning – a yogurt parfait (with strawberries and granola) – about 175 calories – and a banana. I am thinking maybe it would have been better to eat more protein – like a veggie omelet or something.
I did so well last night until I got to the hospital room. I had some Chipotle tacos and came in at 1400 calories. I got to the hospital and sat down, and in a few minutes, fatigue just washed over me. I ate two – not one, but two – protein bars!!! So I came in at about 1800 calories. I guess that is not horrible. I probably will still lose weight with that. So maybe I shouldn’t kick myself too much.
Anyway, as I said, I am sitting here wanting something to eat. And, although I feel a little bit “gnaw-y,” I think it is mostly emotional hunger. I had thought about not eating lunch until I get to the hospital – that would leave me more calories for when I am at my weakest. I have the rest of my watermelon in the refrigerator. Maybe I will eat that and see if I can hold out until I leave. (I did that and also ate a little bit of Kashi GoLean Crunch! -- dry.)
I am reading a new blog. My latest is Doing a 180. Helen recommends a lot of other blogs in her posts, so those will be next. I am so thankful to have these to read while I am at the hospital.
I’ve been writing this post as the day progresses. At about 1:00, Stephanie called and said they cancelled the surgery in front of hers, so they were taking her in. So I tried to wrap up things at work as quickly as possible and headed back to the hospital. It was slow going, since there was a wreck on the Tollway, then I stopped and picked up a fruit tray at Tom Thumb and a salad at Panera. I got to her room and the surgery nurse called and asked me to go to the surgery waiting room and the doctor would talk to me there. So that is where I am now. I don’t know how soon that is going to happen.
I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind as I was running these errands. When in Tom Thumb, I had thoughts of getting different kinds of foods – good and bad. I decided the fruit tray was what I wanted and the best choice. Then I went to Panera. First I eyed the stuff at the bakery counter – cookies and pastries. They had these pretty little “flower” cookies. I kind of wanted one of those, but at $2.25 apiece, I was too “cheap,” for one thing. And I just couldn’t bring myself to do it in other ways. I ordered one of Panera’s signature salads (I did get one of the higher calorie ones, but only used a little more than half of the dressing). They asked what I wanted to go with it – bread, chips or something else I don’t remember. Bread was sounding really good, so I said I wanted bread. They asked, “Italian baguette or whole grain baguette?” My automatic response is “whole grain baguette.” And that is really what I wanted. So, as I was driving to the hospital, I was thinking, these choices are becoming automatic for me. I want the salad and I want the whole grain bread instead of white bread or chips. I fought with myself over the cookie, but realized, the bread was what I really wanted. And then I can have the fruit.
As I thought about all this, I was thinking, “I have changed.” Then I started thinking about all the other ways I have changed. I am so not the person I was at the end of my marriage – broken, weak (to a certain extent), fearful, full of self-deprecation. I generally felt pretty worthless. God knows, that was drilled into me for 21 years. Now I see myself as strong, a person of courage who faces difficulties with a positive attitude, and someone with endless potential. Life is just beginning for me. I know that I will overcome my struggles with weight because I have gotten well on the inside. I know there will still be more to do in that area, but I have come so very, very far. Things are a little rocky right now, but that is to be expected under the circumstances. It has nothing to do with being weak in character – something else that was drilled into me. I am fighting, and as circumstances begin to smooth out, I will gain momentum again. I know it.
Incidentally, I am becoming a big fan of Panera. I never used to want to eat there. They have delicious salads and some healthy choices.
Stephanie is out of surgery. Something about a loop of intestine being inflamed and had attached itself to a spot hear the previous surgery. They were able to do everything laproscopically. She will still have the tube down her nose until tomorrow morning (she will hate that), to make sure she is over her nausea. The slowest part of healing will be in getting back to eating normally. She should recover from the surgery quickly and should go home probably Thursday or Friday – and likely able to work on Monday! Yay! She is now back to her room. Phew. (But she is EXTREMELY grouchy.)
Things are looking up! Until tomorrow….