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Thursday, June 14, 2012

Perfect is Not Always Best

Well, I made it through yesterday.  It was a long one (again).  I worked 10.5 hours (after coming in to the office at 1:00 p.m.).  I spent the morning in a hospital-type facility, which is always exhausting, plus the whole business with the dog getting out and chasing him down, and running out of gas.

I was very tempted last night, but did not give in.  Yay!  I left the office at around 11:30 p.m., had to work at staying awake for the 35-40 minute drive home, and got into bed as quick as I could.  It seems like I dozed for at least the first hour.  (It seemed like I was awake, but the time went fast enough where I must have been sleeping, at least a little.)  Then I finally fell hard asleep.  Alarm clock went off at 4:45 a.m., I turned over and slept another 10 minutes, then got up to loosen up a little before getting on the bike at 5:30 a.m.  My BodyMedia Fit armband said I got 2.31 hours of sleep.  I think I got more than that, but that is what it said.

This morning was a moderately easy workout (as far as the bike was concerned) while adding the weights for arm work.  So that made it a good workout.  I settled in at the 12-13 mph range instead of the 14+ I had been at (I was tired).  But I got it done.  I am spending more time on the “negative” part of the lift with my weights, so they take longer and the weight work filled up the majority of the time I was pedaling.  It felt good to get the workout done.  I am following my resolution that there is never any excuse not to work out on a weekday morning (unless I am REALLY sick).

I got off and got to work by 8:00 a.m. (wasn’t I just here?).  I must admit I got me a SF Red Bull.  I just didn’t feel like I could make it without some kind of energy boost.  I drank a 16-oz. one.  I piddled around and did a few things for about 45 minutes, and all the while my eyes were crossing when looking at the computer, I was so sleepy.  Jerry and I had had a discussion last night about what time I get up after working so late.  He said I was welcome to come in a little late if I wanted to.  He said he would not be getting around until late morning (must be nice!).  I told him I carpool, so I would have to get here as early as I always do.  I did mention that I might go in an empty office and take a short nap after I got here, if I felt like I needed it.  He said, “Yeah, do that!”  I think he was trying to assuage his guilt for keeping me so late (second night this week, and I bet it happens again tomorrow night.)  So, I went to a secluded empty office and fell asleep in the chair (I slept in a chair for three years because it felt better on my back, so I know how to do that).  I slept for 45 minutes, after drinking a 16-oz. Red Bull.  I was tired.  I will have to get used to downtown noise when I move, because a truck outside woke me up.  (I needed to get up anyway.)

Someone brought some coffee cake and left it in the break room.  I was interested enough to have a look-see, but never really tempted enough to eat any.  I just remembered that this weekend I have a splurge meal, so I can indulge my sweet tooth in a controlled manner then.

I have been loving my sandwiches this week.  I have been getting the roasted chicken breast on wheat bread, no cheese, with spinach, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers and banana peppers.  That’s all I get when I order it.  Then I bring it back to the office and spread on 50 calories’ worth of spicy guacamole and add a little Newman’s Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette.  So good!  That spicy guac adds a lot of flavor.  My lunch was good, but I am sitting here a little bit later and feeling the urge to eat something.  It is because I am tired.  That is a big trigger for me.  It is a pretty strong urge this afternoon.  Underneath, I am feeling a little sorry for myself because of the working hours and all that has been going on, and the old me thinks I should get to eat some junk because of that.  Not going to happen.  It will not help.  I am trying to keep in mind how I would feel if I did that.  Not good, physically or emotionally.  And I would still be tired.  I am also trying to keep in mind how I am going to look as I keep going and can start getting into some smaller clothes.  I know I am not an ugly person, by any means.  Hopefully I can turn a few heads when my weight drops down a ways.  :)  Won’t that be fun for a change?

The more I sat here today, the more I want to eat.  I hate that.  I wish that was an excuse to go home “sick” and go home and get some sleep.  It occurred to me that I had not been drinking my water like usual today.  We have been out of bottled water at home (we have a cooler that holds 5-gallon jugs that are delivered monthly) and I did not get my usual big bottle at the beginning of the day.  I have been drinking some since I got to work, but not enough.  So, I tried that to see if it helped.

It did help for a while.  But let me tell you, I had already been really stressed and was just trying to make it through today.  My boss came back after being in meetings all day (in not a very good mood) and it became apparent that I was going to have to work late again.  Not as late as I have been, but still late.  He is tired and I am tired and I am not handling things as well emotionally as usual.  And still I have been fighting this thing all day.  I decided that this is not going to be a perfect day.  And that is okay.  It does not ALWAYS have to be a perfect day.  It just does not need to be an out-of-control day.  And it is not.  If I eat 100 or 200 calories more than I have allotted myself per day, it is not going to keep me from losing weight.  In fact, my body may be telling me I need some more food today.  So I decided I was going to eat in a healthy manner; I was not going to go off on a binge, but I was not going to demand absolute adherence to 1500 calories or less today.  And, unless I get off on time tomorrow night, I am probably not going to get 10 workouts this week.  After my workout in the morning, I will have 9.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is wonderful!  I need to stop demanding perfection all the time or I am doomed to fail.

My daughter brought me some healthy tacos from Chipotle (corn tortillas, chicken, fajita veggies, pico de gallo and a little guacamole).  They were sooooo good.  I needed a break from Subway.  I feel now that I will be okay until I go home and I can focus on my work.  I feel good about this decision and like I can face the rest of the day, however long it is.


  1. I don't know what it is about being tired that makes me think eating will help, but I feel the same way as you...hope you get to go home soon and get some much needed rest!

    P.S. I always get a bowl at Chipolte but you are making me want to try their tacos!

  2. I am passing time, while waiting for Jerry, by reading your blog, Shelley (still in February 2011 when your ankle was hurt)! Do try to the tacos. I got the idea from Michelle, my other commenter. :)


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