Search This Blog

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Perfect is Not Always Best

Well, I made it through yesterday.  It was a long one (again).  I worked 10.5 hours (after coming in to the office at 1:00 p.m.).  I spent the morning in a hospital-type facility, which is always exhausting, plus the whole business with the dog getting out and chasing him down, and running out of gas.

I was very tempted last night, but did not give in.  Yay!  I left the office at around 11:30 p.m., had to work at staying awake for the 35-40 minute drive home, and got into bed as quick as I could.  It seems like I dozed for at least the first hour.  (It seemed like I was awake, but the time went fast enough where I must have been sleeping, at least a little.)  Then I finally fell hard asleep.  Alarm clock went off at 4:45 a.m., I turned over and slept another 10 minutes, then got up to loosen up a little before getting on the bike at 5:30 a.m.  My BodyMedia Fit armband said I got 2.31 hours of sleep.  I think I got more than that, but that is what it said.

This morning was a moderately easy workout (as far as the bike was concerned) while adding the weights for arm work.  So that made it a good workout.  I settled in at the 12-13 mph range instead of the 14+ I had been at (I was tired).  But I got it done.  I am spending more time on the “negative” part of the lift with my weights, so they take longer and the weight work filled up the majority of the time I was pedaling.  It felt good to get the workout done.  I am following my resolution that there is never any excuse not to work out on a weekday morning (unless I am REALLY sick).

I got off and got to work by 8:00 a.m. (wasn’t I just here?).  I must admit I got me a SF Red Bull.  I just didn’t feel like I could make it without some kind of energy boost.  I drank a 16-oz. one.  I piddled around and did a few things for about 45 minutes, and all the while my eyes were crossing when looking at the computer, I was so sleepy.  Jerry and I had had a discussion last night about what time I get up after working so late.  He said I was welcome to come in a little late if I wanted to.  He said he would not be getting around until late morning (must be nice!).  I told him I carpool, so I would have to get here as early as I always do.  I did mention that I might go in an empty office and take a short nap after I got here, if I felt like I needed it.  He said, “Yeah, do that!”  I think he was trying to assuage his guilt for keeping me so late (second night this week, and I bet it happens again tomorrow night.)  So, I went to a secluded empty office and fell asleep in the chair (I slept in a chair for three years because it felt better on my back, so I know how to do that).  I slept for 45 minutes, after drinking a 16-oz. Red Bull.  I was tired.  I will have to get used to downtown noise when I move, because a truck outside woke me up.  (I needed to get up anyway.)

Someone brought some coffee cake and left it in the break room.  I was interested enough to have a look-see, but never really tempted enough to eat any.  I just remembered that this weekend I have a splurge meal, so I can indulge my sweet tooth in a controlled manner then.

I have been loving my sandwiches this week.  I have been getting the roasted chicken breast on wheat bread, no cheese, with spinach, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers and banana peppers.  That’s all I get when I order it.  Then I bring it back to the office and spread on 50 calories’ worth of spicy guacamole and add a little Newman’s Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette.  So good!  That spicy guac adds a lot of flavor.  My lunch was good, but I am sitting here a little bit later and feeling the urge to eat something.  It is because I am tired.  That is a big trigger for me.  It is a pretty strong urge this afternoon.  Underneath, I am feeling a little sorry for myself because of the working hours and all that has been going on, and the old me thinks I should get to eat some junk because of that.  Not going to happen.  It will not help.  I am trying to keep in mind how I would feel if I did that.  Not good, physically or emotionally.  And I would still be tired.  I am also trying to keep in mind how I am going to look as I keep going and can start getting into some smaller clothes.  I know I am not an ugly person, by any means.  Hopefully I can turn a few heads when my weight drops down a ways.  :)  Won’t that be fun for a change?

The more I sat here today, the more I want to eat.  I hate that.  I wish that was an excuse to go home “sick” and go home and get some sleep.  It occurred to me that I had not been drinking my water like usual today.  We have been out of bottled water at home (we have a cooler that holds 5-gallon jugs that are delivered monthly) and I did not get my usual big bottle at the beginning of the day.  I have been drinking some since I got to work, but not enough.  So, I tried that to see if it helped.

It did help for a while.  But let me tell you, I had already been really stressed and was just trying to make it through today.  My boss came back after being in meetings all day (in not a very good mood) and it became apparent that I was going to have to work late again.  Not as late as I have been, but still late.  He is tired and I am tired and I am not handling things as well emotionally as usual.  And still I have been fighting this thing all day.  I decided that this is not going to be a perfect day.  And that is okay.  It does not ALWAYS have to be a perfect day.  It just does not need to be an out-of-control day.  And it is not.  If I eat 100 or 200 calories more than I have allotted myself per day, it is not going to keep me from losing weight.  In fact, my body may be telling me I need some more food today.  So I decided I was going to eat in a healthy manner; I was not going to go off on a binge, but I was not going to demand absolute adherence to 1500 calories or less today.  And, unless I get off on time tomorrow night, I am probably not going to get 10 workouts this week.  After my workout in the morning, I will have 9.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It is wonderful!  I need to stop demanding perfection all the time or I am doomed to fail.

My daughter brought me some healthy tacos from Chipotle (corn tortillas, chicken, fajita veggies, pico de gallo and a little guacamole).  They were sooooo good.  I needed a break from Subway.  I feel now that I will be okay until I go home and I can focus on my work.  I feel good about this decision and like I can face the rest of the day, however long it is.

2 comments:

  1. I don't know what it is about being tired that makes me think eating will help, but I feel the same way as you...hope you get to go home soon and get some much needed rest!

    P.S. I always get a bowl at Chipolte but you are making me want to try their tacos!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am passing time, while waiting for Jerry, by reading your blog, Shelley (still in February 2011 when your ankle was hurt)! Do try to the tacos. I got the idea from Michelle, my other commenter. :)

    ReplyDelete

I welcome your comments and read every one! However, if you are trying to sell me or my readers something, your comment will be deleted posthaste. Thanks for reading my blog and I hope you receive encouragement from it. --Sheryl