Well, I made it through yesterday. It was a long one (again). I worked 10.5 hours (after coming in to the office at 1:00 p.m.). I spent the morning in a hospital-type facility, which is always exhausting, plus the whole business with the dog getting out and chasing him down, and running out of gas.
I was very tempted last night, but did not give in. Yay! I left the office at around 11:30 p.m., had to work at staying awake for the 35-40 minute drive home, and got into bed as quick as I could. It seems like I dozed for at least the first hour. (It seemed like I was awake, but the time went fast enough where I must have been sleeping, at least a little.) Then I finally fell hard asleep. Alarm clock went off at 4:45 a.m., I turned over and slept another 10 minutes, then got up to loosen up a little before getting on the bike at 5:30 a.m. My BodyMedia Fit armband said I got 2.31 hours of sleep. I think I got more than that, but that is what it said.
This morning was a moderately easy workout (as far as the bike was concerned) while adding the weights for arm work. So that made it a good workout. I settled in at the 12-13 mph range instead of the 14+ I had been at (I was tired). But I got it done. I am spending more time on the “negative” part of the lift with my weights, so they take longer and the weight work filled up the majority of the time I was pedaling. It felt good to get the workout done. I am following my resolution that there is never any excuse not to work out on a weekday morning (unless I am REALLY sick).
I got off and got to work by 8:00 a.m. (wasn’t I just here?). I must admit I got me a SF Red Bull. I just didn’t feel like I could make it without some kind of energy boost. I drank a 16-oz. one. I piddled around and did a few things for about 45 minutes, and all the while my eyes were crossing when looking at the computer, I was so sleepy. Jerry and I had had a discussion last night about what time I get up after working so late. He said I was welcome to come in a little late if I wanted to. He said he would not be getting around until late morning (must be nice!). I told him I carpool, so I would have to get here as early as I always do. I did mention that I might go in an empty office and take a short nap after I got here, if I felt like I needed it. He said, “Yeah, do that!” I think he was trying to assuage his guilt for keeping me so late (second night this week, and I bet it happens again tomorrow night.) So, I went to a secluded empty office and fell asleep in the chair (I slept in a chair for three years because it felt better on my back, so I know how to do that). I slept for 45 minutes, after drinking a 16-oz. Red Bull. I was tired. I will have to get used to downtown noise when I move, because a truck outside woke me up. (I needed to get up anyway.)
Someone brought some coffee cake and left it in the break room. I was interested enough to have a look-see, but never really tempted enough to eat any. I just remembered that this weekend I have a splurge meal, so I can indulge my sweet tooth in a controlled manner then.
I have been loving my sandwiches this week. I have been getting the roasted chicken breast on wheat bread, no cheese, with spinach, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers and banana peppers. That’s all I get when I order it. Then I bring it back to the office and spread on 50 calories’ worth of spicy guacamole and add a little Newman’s Own Light Balsamic Vinaigrette. So good! That spicy guac adds a lot of flavor. My lunch was good, but I am sitting here a little bit later and feeling the urge to eat something. It is because I am tired. That is a big trigger for me. It is a pretty strong urge this afternoon. Underneath, I am feeling a little sorry for myself because of the working hours and all that has been going on, and the old me thinks I should get to eat some junk because of that. Not going to happen. It will not help. I am trying to keep in mind how I would feel if I did that. Not good, physically or emotionally. And I would still be tired. I am also trying to keep in mind how I am going to look as I keep going and can start getting into some smaller clothes. I know I am not an ugly person, by any means. Hopefully I can turn a few heads when my weight drops down a ways. :) Won’t that be fun for a change?
The more I sat here today, the more I want to eat. I hate that. I wish that was an excuse to go home “sick” and go home and get some sleep. It occurred to me that I had not been drinking my water like usual today. We have been out of bottled water at home (we have a cooler that holds 5-gallon jugs that are delivered monthly) and I did not get my usual big bottle at the beginning of the day. I have been drinking some since I got to work, but not enough. So, I tried that to see if it helped.
It did help for a while. But let me tell you, I had already been really stressed and was just trying to make it through today. My boss came back after being in meetings all day (in not a very good mood) and it became apparent that I was going to have to work late again. Not as late as I have been, but still late. He is tired and I am tired and I am not handling things as well emotionally as usual. And still I have been fighting this thing all day. I decided that this is not going to be a perfect day. And that is okay. It does not ALWAYS have to be a perfect day. It just does not need to be an out-of-control day. And it is not. If I eat 100 or 200 calories more than I have allotted myself per day, it is not going to keep me from losing weight. In fact, my body may be telling me I need some more food today. So I decided I was going to eat in a healthy manner; I was not going to go off on a binge, but I was not going to demand absolute adherence to 1500 calories or less today. And, unless I get off on time tomorrow night, I am probably not going to get 10 workouts this week. After my workout in the morning, I will have 9. There is nothing wrong with that. It is wonderful! I need to stop demanding perfection all the time or I am doomed to fail.
My daughter brought me some healthy tacos from Chipotle (corn tortillas, chicken, fajita veggies, pico de gallo and a little guacamole). They were sooooo good. I needed a break from Subway. I feel now that I will be okay until I go home and I can focus on my work. I feel good about this decision and like I can face the rest of the day, however long it is.