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Sunday, June 24, 2012

Monotony Breeds Temptation

I had a better day yesterday.

After the slice of pizza for lunch yesterday, I had a protein bar yesterday afternoon.  For dinner, I had a Chicken Cobb Salad with Avocado (or something like that) from Panera.  We also got some fruit from Tom Thumb and I had some strawberries and pineapple throughout the evening.  Not sure where I was calorie-wise, but at least ate healthy foods.  I have to admit, if I had a big bag of Skittles or Peanut M&M’s, I would be eating it right now.  That’s why it was good to have the fruit around yesterday.  And that’s why it’s good I don’t have the candy here!  This hospital doesn’t have anything like that in the vending machines.  They have trail mix, protein bars, baked chips, etc.  Guess that’s a good thing.  Most people here are in a vulnerable state, in one way or another, unless they work here.

Steph is not much better.  They took her for an x-ray this morning.  When she got back, she was extremely nauseous.  If she was getting better, she should be getting better in that respect.  The doctor said we are likely looking at surgery.  They may run a scope down later today to better see what is going on.  At this point, I just want her to get better.  I don’t want her to have more surgery, but if she is not getting better, then that is what needs to happen.  She is looking pretty “skinny”.  What a way to lose weight.

I guess my breakfast this morning wasn’t so good.  I had a sausage, egg and cheese burrito and a banana.  That’s not good, but if I don’t get out of control in the amount I eat, I think I am doing okay.

Ugh.  A little later, I was having a major headache.  I was pretty sure it was caffeine.  I went looking for something and got an AMP Energy drink.  It was sugar free.  But I picked up a little package of three cookies while I was down there.  Three smallish cookies (they were like bakery made – obviously they have a little “bad” stuff here).  Guess it could be a lot worse.  I just want to get out of here!

Bethany brought me Schlotzsky’s for lunch -- turkey and guacamole on wheat.  I was not feeling terribly hungry, so ate half of it and will eat the other half later.  I’m going to try to make that all for today.  The caffeine helped.

Incidentally, my headaches have been much better the last few days.  Comparatively speaking, I am not having headaches to speak of.  Of course, I have learned to cope a lot over the years, so to someone else, it might seem like the little bit I am having is a real headache to them, but for me, it is much improved.

Later in the day they decided to try letting Steph drink “clear” liquids to see how she did.  It didn’t go so well.  Very shortly afterward, she was already nauseous and her pain starting to spike.  So they quickly pumped it out again and she immediately felt better.  It is looking like surgery will be the next step.

My plan is to go home tonight and sleep in my own bed.  If they do surgery, I will be back here.  If they do not, I will go to work.  I hate that this is occurring when my backup had planned days off (Friday and Monday), but she is a good sport about it.  I guess she will take the days off on another weekend.  We have both been burning the candle at both ends (although I am the one who has to work 13-16 hours a day a lot of the time).  But she has done it when I have been gone and she doesn’t get overtime for it.  That’s part of being “management”.

I took a little walk around the halls to get the kinks out a little bit.  It struck me why spending all day, day after day, in a hospital room makes you want to eat.  Not only is it the stress, but it is the only thing that breaks up the monotony – the only thing to look forward to.  That’s why I am reading weight loss blogs.  It helps some, but my mind keeps wondering back to wanting something to eat.

When I go home this time, I am going to bring several changes of work clothes with me so that if she is here a few more days, I can toggle between here and work as needed.  It is too far to go home very much.  Work is in the middle of home and the hospital.  I am also going to bring in my tennis shoes (they are in the car right now).  I think I would have done more walking if I didn’t have to go out to the parking garage to get them.  I just wish I could bring Cassie with me.  I miss him and I feel bad that he is being left alone so much.

Guess I will end this now.  If I don’t do much more eating today, I think I will have had an okay day.  We will see how I do.

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