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Friday, June 1, 2012

The Journey is About Now and What You Choose to Do About It (June 1, 2012)

This is a challenging day, already.  According to someone, this is National Donut Day, so someone brought Krispy Kremes.  I have stayed away from them.  Then, a sweet little lady at our firm made me cookies for my birthday (which is Sunday), so gave me a big plate of them.  I am already splurging by going out tomorrow, so I do not need to eat these!!  I put them on my ledge and told everyone I was sharing.  Hopefully they will be gone soon.  One good thing about them is they are chocolate/chocolate chip.  I am not that big of a chocolate fan.  I will eat it if that is the alternative, but I prefer other things to chocolate.  It is just too rich.  I do not intend to eat any of the cookies (sorry Marlene).  As soon as she gave me the cookies, I ran off to get my sandwich for lunch to satisfy my hunger and help me not to be tempted to eat them.  So far it is working.  Seriously, I know myself pretty well, and I am not in the mode to give in on this, but you never know.  Hopefully other people will enjoy them and eat them up.

The kids are taking me to lunch tomorrow.  I think I am choosing The Porch Restaurant in Dallas.  A friend recommended it, and I looked at the menu and it looks very good.  It is a little pricey for the kids, but I think if we share some stuff and order on the low end, it will be okay.  I can chip in a little if I need to.  The other thing they are giving me is tickets to a Rangers game.  I love the Rangers and we have not been to a game this year.  However, it is hard to enjoy the games sometimes during the really hot part of the year unless you have good seats.  So I chipped in a little and upgraded our seats.  These are going to be the best seats I have had at a game yet (and they should be under an upper level, so there will be some shade).  They are lower infield seats, but far enough back in the section where they will be covered, I think.  They are just to the third base side of home plate.  It’s going to be so fun!  That won’t be until the 22nd.  There are no home games that were not sold out, on a weekend, until then, unless we wanted less desirable seats.  I just wanted to splurge, for once, on some good ones.  And since the kids are paying a chunk of it, this is a good time to do it.

Despite hurting a little more after my walk last night, I felt pretty good this morning.  No flare-up or anything.  I think I will try to walk a mile or so on my trail tomorrow morning.  Walking for one workout and getting on my bike for the other seems easier than two bike rides.  Easier as far as wanting to do it.  And my dog needs to be walked.

I think I am going to have a pretty good loss at my weigh-in tomorrow.  We will see.  Sometimes your body does weird stuff.  I will try to post some pictures tomorrow.  Today I am wearing the same outfit I was wearing in the last picture I took and I can tell a difference.  That was just on May 17.  I am also going to take some in “tighter fitting” workout clothes for future comparison purposes.  I am warning you, they won’t be pretty!

I did some reading in Lose It for Life last night.  I jotted down some points that spoke to me:

It was talking about facing reality and not lying to yourself.

·       What is my part in gaining this weight?
·       How do I respond to difficulty?
·       What unmet needs do I have that I try to meet through food?
·       When life gets tough, do I get going or start eating?
·       Am I hung up on “why” my life feels so out of control?
·       Am I disconnected from others?
·       Do I live in denial, refusing to acknowledge my weight problem and the impact it has on my life?

Some other points:

“Your overweight body is a symptom of an underdeveloped soul.”

“No one else caused your problem and no one else is going to fix it for you.”

“When you decide to change, it is going to be painful.”

“No one can walk through that pain but you, and you must walk through it.”

“Being overweight is not about the past, or food, or even the temporary relief and comfort found in food.  It is about right now and what you choose to do about it.  A weight problem either continues to get worse or gets better with the next choice made.”  (!!!)

“Take note – no matter what path was chosen before, choosing differently now is the key to where this [journey] begins.”

These thoughts struck me because, as I have matured, I have become much more proactive about my problems.  I never seemed to be able to find it in myself to do anything about it (or complete the process, anyway) in years past.  I thought abuse had something to do with it (although I never blamed my husband for me being overweight; my point was that all the things did not help), and all the emotional struggles I was going through in those years.  But it was still choices I made.

I used to kind of sit around, wishing I were different, the underlying thought being that someday God was going to “zap” me and I would be different.  I would be able to do what needed to be done.  One time members of my family were sitting around talking about how well we kept house.  I have never been a super housekeeper, and I remember making the statement, “I wish I was a hard worker.”  My brother’s response:  “That sounds like it’s going to take a lot of hard work.”  It was like a light went on.  I can’t just sit around and wish I was different.  I have to get up and be different.  I am not going to be a better housekeeper by sitting around and wishing it so.  I have to get up and start keeping house!  It is the same with losing weight.  Something magical is not going to happen.  I have to get up and start doing what I know to do to make it happen.  I have to move more and eat less.  Now, there are a whole lot of emotional and spiritual things I am going to have to deal with in the process, when I stop stuffing everything down with food, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have to move more and eat less.  So I started becoming much more proactive about making changes.  I started on a reasonable eating plan and I started trying to get some exercise and building on that.  In the middle of that process, I have started reading every book I have in my bookshelves about the emotional issues that lead to my overeating.  I am trying to proactively discover what those are and work on them.  But it all boils down to choices I make.  I can eat a package of cookies because I am depressed, or I can find a better way to deal with that depression than I have in the past (and then I probably wouldn’t be depressed anymore!).  If I don’t, nothing is ever going to change.  No more hoping it will happen someday.  It is the choices I make now that are going to change things.

I am going to start journaling about the questions first listed above and try to get to the bottom of some of this stuff.  In the meantime, practically, I am going to keep doing what I know to do – move more and eat less.  My goal is 500 days of doing that, one day at a time.  Of course, it is really a lifetime of doing that, but the idea is, if I do that for 500 days, I am going to at least be very close to where I want to be.

One thing my armband is doing for me (and a pedometer would do the same thing), is I am becoming more aware of taking more steps.  When I started this journey on April 28, I was barely getting around.  I decided on the Subway diet to start with, and my friend said she wanted to do it too and offered to go get the sandwiches every day, since I had a hard time getting around.  Now, I want to go get them because it is adding that many more steps to my daily total.  I don’t inwardly complain about how many times I have to go up and down the hall to the conference room because it is adding that many more steps.  And I don’t seem to be any worse, long term, by walking more.  It hurts when I do it, but it would hurt regardless.

So much to think about.  But I am making progress.  That’s all I can do.

Hoping I don’t have to work late tonight, but expecting I will.  I usually do on Friday nights (boss wants to get everything wrapped up so he can enjoy his weekend).  Oh well, bigger paychecks.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

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