Exhaustion. That was the only word to describe how I felt when I finally got home last night. First, I have to say, I pretty much had a melt-down last night. I won’t go into all the details of what I ate, but it was nowhere under control. And some of it was faulty planning on my part – I should have known better.
I picked Stephanie up at the hospital and we had to make a few stops (some necessary, some not). First, Stephanie wanted to eat at Chipotle. She didn’t eat for seven days and she had certain cravings. She did eat something bland from the menu (chicken and cheese quesadilla – no peppers or hot sauce or anything). We shared some chips and guacamole (Chipotle has the best guac). I ate less than half of the chips or the guac – I felt I was very reasonable in that respect (if you don't know Chipotle, that is not very much). I didn’t get anything else to eat there. Stephanie wanted to go to this bakery to get a cupcake. I got one too and I had planned to just replace my dinner with those calories. That was my mistake. I was too hungry to make that work. I got a small cupcake and a very small key lime tart (yum). If that was all it had been, that would have been all right. But I lost control when I got home and I was hungry and so exhausted. We didn’t get home until after 8:00, so I really didn’t get much of an evening at home.
We also went to get a pedicure. I had planned on having a pedicure as my reward for 20 pounds lost (I don’t get pedicures often; it is a special thing for me) and had never gotten it done because of working so much and then Stephanie getting sick. I paid for Steph to get one – she was feeling yucky from being in the hospital for so long.
But it is what it is and I will just get right back to it now that things are settling down. In fact, I got up and did a workout this morning. I wasn’t sure if I was going to, because I was so tired last night. I decided I would not set my alarm (my normal wake-up time is 4:45 a.m.), but if I woke up and felt like doing a workout, I would. I did wake up and I did feel like it. Not like I was gung ho to do it, but I knew I needed to and I felt rested enough to do it. I am glad I did. It sets the tone for the day.
By the way, I got on the scale this morning. It is not official weigh-in day, but so far, I have not gained weight, even after last night’s meltdown. We will see what it says on Saturday.
For breakfast I had Greek yogurt (a little more this time, to hopefully help with my hunger), a little honey and some Kashi GoLean Crunch. I also had some cantaloupe. I drank my big bottle of water I normally drink on the way to work. (I would like to get more drank before I leave home, but it is dangerous when you live as far away as I do and you never know what traffic is going to be like!). For lunch, for today, I am going back to what was working – Subway. Just because I had no time to plan or bring me something and my coworker offered to go get us some. The only thing I don’t like about that is I have to wait on her. When I am hungry, I don’t want to wait on someone else’s schedule. I would rather have gone and gotten it myself.
So, it seems certain powers that be are up in arms about the amount of overtime I am working. I don’t know if they think I do this on purpose so I can have a big paycheck or what. Anyway, I told them I could not do it yet while I am carpooling, but after I move and will live a block away from work, I will be happy to come in late on mornings when my boss keeps me extra late. I am tired and I am not asking to work 60+ hours per week. When I am living a block away from work, it would be nice to come in at 10:00 some mornings. But I wouldn’t want to do it every morning. I want a life, at some point, which means wanting my evenings (or most of them) off. Ultimately, there is not much they can do about my OT. I work for the Big Kahuna (President of the firm and head litigator who brings in the most money right now).
To give you an idea of how much I have been working, I will have near 40 OT hours on this coming paycheck (and that is even with being out with Stephanie’s hospital stay this past week). So, yes, I do work a lot. And I am tired. Not working so much would definitely help in my quest to lose this weight, but I have to do what I have to do to make it work under current circumstances. That means getting up at 4:45 a.m. to get weekday morning workouts WITHOUT FAIL (except for this past week with the hospital goings-on) and getting four 30-minute workouts done on the weekend, if at all possible.
I have noticed I look at women’s bodies more than I used to. Not to compare myself in a bad way. I see a woman who is really fit, and I think, “I want to look like that!” And I also realize she put in some work to look like that. I think I have always thought some women just naturally look that way. Some do, I imagine, but I am sure a lot of work goes into it for a lot of them. Am I weird?
I am feeling like I might be getting sick. My sinuses are getting a little congested, my head hurts and my throat feels a little suspicious. If I am, I will probably just have to work through it. I have been gone enough lately with my daughter’s illness. If I need to, I will call Teledoc (which is a service through my insurance; for minor illnesses, you can call the number and a doctor will prescribe you medicine, if necessary). Something has been going around the office, but I thought maybe I had escaped it. I am sure all the stress of the last couple of weeks has weakened me a little bit.
I may escape tonight without having to work late, but I am not sure. My boss has a funeral to go to, but said he may come back so we can “catch up.” I am going to assume that he will be back; that way if he doesn’t, it will be a pleasant surprise because I will get to go home on time. I assumed that today and tomorrow would be long days, since I have not worked late this week.
Tonight (or when I have time), I am going to brine some boneless, skinless chicken breast. I am trying to see if it will be more tender and flavorful. Hope so!
I’m really not feeling well…and I am having a hard time staying awake. When I get home, I should do nothing but rest, I’m thinking. I need to do that instead of eating. Being tired is such a trigger for me.
I hope everyone is having a great Thursday!