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Saturday, June 30, 2012

Another Mini Meltdown

I plan on this being a short post.  We will see if that happens.

I did not weigh in today, for a couple of reasons.

Steph had to go back to the ER last night.  Her symptoms seemed to be re-emerging.  Long story short, she has a “slight” case of pancreatitis.  Pancreatitis can be caused by about three things.  One is drinking, and one is surgery.  I can’t remember what the other one is.  Anyway, hers was caused by the surgery.  I worked until about 9:45 last night (almost a 14-hour day) and then joined Steph and Beth at the ER.  I got home at 1:30 a.m.  Pain meds and clear liquids for a couple of days, and she should be better.

I am beyond exhausted today.  More than that, I am so very tired of being pulled in every direction.  No time to take care of myself and I certainly am not being taken care of by anyone else.  I had no plan of attack today.  I was planning on trying to get four workouts this weekend, but I was too exhausted today.  All of this led to a mini-binge.

At the time I should have done my first workout this morning, I was at the store getting things Steph needed so she could have clear liquids.  She was extremely hungry.  Since I was there, I went ahead and got other things I needed.  By the time I got back, I was too tired for a workout right then.  I ate some lunch, sort of.  My pain has been kind of out of hand today, but I think it was more fibromyalgia type pain than the radiating pain from the back.  I felt like I had been run over with a truck.  I hurt all over.  I took a couple of Tylenol PM and fell asleep a little before 3:00 and slept until after 6:00.  Then I woke up and ate without control.  It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t good.

I have been reading Breaking Free from Emotional Eating by Geneen Roth.  A quote:

Binges are purposeful acts, not demented feelings…a binge can…be an urgent attempt to care for yourself when you feel uncared for.  Binges speak the voice of survival.  They are…signals that something is terribly wrong, that you are not giving yourself what you need—either physically (with food) or emotionally (with intimacy, work, relationships).   They are your last stand against deprivation.

That about sums it up.

I will try to regroup tomorrow, but more rest is in the program.

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