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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A Problem With Pleasing (May 23, 2012)

This would be a day, if I acted like I “used to,” that I would go downstairs to get me something sweet to eat to assuage my stress/frustration, etc.  But since this is the “new” me, I am not going to do that.  It will do absolutely no good (I am talking to myself), and will only add guilt and anger toward myself to deal with if I do that.

It started with feeling extremely sleepy this morning.  I took some melatonin last night to help me get some good sleep.  I don’t ever remember it making me feel this draggy, but I could barely stay awake driving to work and I was falling asleep at my desk when I got here.  I finally gave up and went and got me a SF Red Bull.  I told myself I was never going to drink one of those again, since I have read too much about aspartame slowly poisoning you and being linked to MS and Alzheimer’s.  If it had not been so extreme this morning, I would not have done it.  From now on, no sleep meds on a work night, unless I am having an extreme problem.  And no more aspartame!

Then, I had a pretty hectic morning.  It seems like my phone at work has been ringing off the hook and I hate talking on the phone.  Plus it is the constant interruption.  Then my main boss came in, in a not-too-good mood.  That is kind of unusual.  He griped at me about something (which is also unusual) and that got me in a bad mood.  I am in a mood to be left alone, and that is probably not going to happen often when you work for three litigation attorneys, and it sure is not happening today!

On top of it all, I am going to have to work late.  I expected that, because Jerry is going out of town and I will not only have to stay late tonight, but probably tomorrow night, to make sure we get all caught up before his trip.  And it will likely be a very late night.  My neck is all tight and I feel that stab between my shoulder blades, which means I am all tensed up.  Time for a muscle relaxant or an increasingly bad headache will follow.  I can only take a half, unless I am going to bed, but a half helps.

I am realizing one of the things that is affecting my mood.  I do not like it when someone is less than pleased with me.  I have always been this way and I knock myself out trying to make sure everyone is happy with me.  But you cannot please everyone, all the time, and this is something I need to overcome.  (No wonder I was such a mess when I was married.  There was no pleasing that man.  Wow, this is a revelation.  I think that was the main reason I was so down on myself.  And I ate to stuff it down.)  I can think of a couple of books on the subject I need to read.  One of them I already have and I know of one by Joyce Meyers on this subject.  I think this probably fuels my overeating more often than I realize.  So it is something I need to deal with.  I am glad I recognized it today.  Incidentally, not too long after my boss griped at me, he was back to “Good job!”  He’s just under pressure.

Now I am regretting my decision to not work out last night, because I forgot we have a wedding to go to Friday night, so I am probably going to have trouble getting that 10th workout in this week.  I guess that’s not terrible, but I want to meet the goal.  So hopefully I can at least get 15 minutes done tonight and 15 minutes tomorrow or Friday night.

Thankfully, this weekend I get a splurge meal.  I haven’t decided which meal it will be or what it will be, but I am thinking I will probably cook.  I’ve been wanting to try some new dishes.  One thing I want to make is a Berry Brioche Bread Pudding.  Probably nobody else in my family will eat it, because one daughter is not eating sugar and the other does not like berries.  My son has been trying to cut down a little too and doesn’t crave sweets like the rest of us.  But this recipe makes individual servings in ramekins, so I figured out how to pare it down to one serving.  That way I won’t be tempted to eat any leftovers.  I will probably make this even if I do decide to go out to eat for my splurge meal.  I can come home for dessert.  But I do have this one meal I am thinking about cooking.  I will have to decide what I am most hungry for when the time comes.  We may want to cook out for Memorial Day Weekend.  I may make some homemade rolls too.  That sounds good.

My BodyMedia Fit armband came in!  I got it charged up and put it on this afternoon, so I haven’t seen any results yet.  I will be curious to see how many calories I burn in a day.

I have felt pretty good today.  My walking has been pretty good (not so much of a limp today).  And only slight headaches (as long as I head this tightness in my neck off before it progresses).  If I was going home now, I would just put the heating pad on it, but since I have to work late, I will use the muscle relaxant.

Well, I’m going to go across the street and get my Subway sandwich so I stay on track while working late tonight.  There is candy in the mailroom and I don’t want to go near it.  It hasn’t been bothering me, but I don’t want to get really hungry and let it start calling to me while I am working late.

26 down (almost), 474 to go!

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