I am struggling along today. I was a little lax this weekend, but wanted to get right back to fasting today. It has been tough for more than one reason. It is always a little more difficult when I eat carbs and sugar. And I am really tired (and sleepy) today. And I have a lot on my mind. But I really want to keep moving, and so far, that has kept me going.
I had a hard time going to sleep last night, and consequently, I can barely stay awake this afternoon. Honestly, if I could go on home and just go to bed, I think I would be fine. But if I have to stay late, I don't know, I'm a lot more likely to eat something to try to perk myself up. I am soooooo tired.
There have been some developments since my last post. There has been some contact between my ex's current wife and us (not through me). She and her (grown) kids want to meet with me and my kids. She has "kicked" my ex out of the house and I think is trying to decide whether trying to make it work is even advisable. I am not going to try to influence her, but I am going to tell the truth about what happened. From the things I know already about what he has done with her, it all sounds very familiar, although possibly not quite as developed. But it has been escalating. Interestingly, it has been going on with her for 10 years!!! With me, it got so bad within one year that I could not continue. And I obviously made the right decision. He and I were divorced less than 14 years ago. He dated her about 11 months; I think they married about 2 years after we were divorced, so they were possibly married about a year and a half when it started for her. And she believed him about me until then. Evidently, with her he would have periods were he pushed it and then just quit talking about it. (That was the interesting thing; instead of it being a deal where he wanted to turn me into the police or something like that, he just said he could forgive as long as I told the truth -- when I supposedly sleeping with my own son!!!! He has said the same thing to her. But he seems to have no clue that the fact he thinks both of us are guilty of such a thing is a sign that he has a problem, not us.) Anyway, she is not the type to let things lie, so she would bring it up and find out he still believed it. With me he was totally obsessed and tried everything he could to prove it or would lie about "evidence" in an attempt to make me confess. He has done that with her too, but it is only now escalating, it sounds like. He also wanted her to take a lie detector test, as he did with me. My boss (who was also my attorney) would not allow me to. And counselors said, "So you take a lie detector test and pass it; what is he going to do the next time he doesn't believe you." It did nothing to get to the root of the problem, which was his mental illness.
Some other thoughts have come up that would be quite heinous if they turned out to be true. People have told me that for him to accuse me of that either means it happened to him (no evidence of that) or he was guilty of the same thing and is projecting it on me and Julie. That's what scares me, for reasons I won't bring up here.
I'm going to try to finish up and see if I can go home. If I can go home and go to bed, I think I can make it through today. If not, I will still have had an intermittent fast and that is good too.
Over and out.