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Sunday, November 17, 2019

I HAVE TO

Long time no write.  And I have not been doing well.  I  cannot seem to pull it together.  But I have to.

I had put the Diabetes out of my mind -- I know it is fully controllable with diet -- and it was under control, until I wasn't "eating right" anymore. I have come to the place where I have to acknowledge I am feeling "sick."  I haven't told anybody, really.  A couple of weeks ago I realized how much my blood sugar was affecting  me and I straightened things up for a bit and started immediately feeling better.  But I have slipped back into eating a lot of carbs and sugar.

It has to STOP!  It will start to damage my body.  It already is, in some ways, although I don't think permanently yet.  But I KNOW it will continue to get worse if I don't turn things around.

You may ask -- why don't I get on medication?  The medication will lower my blood sugar, temporarily, but it will make the diabetes worse.  The only permanent solution is to stop putting all the sugar in my body.

I have not had a great day early in the day today, but there is no reason I should not start right now.  I fell into a fitful sleep earlier (after a rough night with some diarrhea).  I had not taken my electrolytes, and woke up feeling shaky, foggy, and like I was radiating heat.  I just don't feel right.

Now part of the "heat" could be because I had an epidural steroid injection in my back on Thursday.  But it doesn't change the fact that I don't feel right.  Not at all.  It is time to pull this together.  Hopefully writing about it will help.

A lot of stressors are still present, but have improved somewhat.  I don't know why I am having so much difficulty focusing. I am still working A LOT.  But that doesn't have to affect my fasting.  Fasting makes it easier, really.

This is not the best time of year for pulling it together on eating carbs and sugar.  So I think fasting will be very important.  If I can fast as much as possible during the week (and eat low carb), some "indiscretions" on special occasions will not have a huge effect.  As long as I get right back to the fasting.  That is the hard part.  I am going to do my very best to keep it going.

As I said, I have to.  Life will be all downhill from here if I do not.

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Getting On a Better Track

I'm trying to get on a better track, and am into my third day of a fast.

I have it in my mind that I haven't done anything for weeks.  Actually I did fast one day one week and most of one day of last week, so there is that.  It's funny that I've gotten to a place where that seems like nothing.  It is not enough, but certainly better than nothing.

My problem has been when I do eat.  I have to get that on a better track.  The thing is, nothing I "should" eat has tasted good to me.  I have been craving carbs and sugar.  So I felt I needed to reset everything with a good fast.  I don't know how long I will go, but at least I am going again.  I've talked myself out of the last two fasts.

There is a lot of stressful stuff right now, but I need to not let that affect me.

One thing I have noticed is that I have had increased symptoms of calcium deficiency lately, and I think there is a connection between that and craving carbs and sugar.  I am starting to realize that I crave carbs and sweets when I need calcium.  And I have found a little evidence those things are connected.  I haven't found anything that says it is directly related, but quite a bit on the link between weight loss (or weight gain) and the need for calcium.  I believe I have written about this before, and now here it is again.  I struggle when I have symptoms of calcium deficiency.  The two seem to go together for me.

I wasn't sure if the start of this fast was going to be any different, but it wasn't hard this time.  And since I finally realized I was having low calcium symptoms a lot more than usual, I made the connection again.  And I have been taking more calcium and was able to get going on this fast with no trouble.  So I think there is some connection in some way.

I also think I am not getting enough salt.  I know I need salt and I take it, but I am more sporadic about it than my other electrolytes.  And I realized that what I have been taking is not a very good source (it doesn't have nearly as many mg's as I thought, so I haven't been getting as much as I thought).  I saw a comment on one of my fasting FB pages that salt regulates the other electrolytes, so if you are not getting enough, your other ones may not be absorbed as readily.

I struggled quite a bit with electrolytes yesterday, even though I was taking them.  I felt foggy and twitchy and tingly and had heart palpitations more than usual.  That is when I discovered that the supplement I am taking for salt doesn't have as much as I thought.  I ordered a different kind, but they will not be here for a few days.  So I brought some coarse ground sea salt with me and have been supplementing with that some today.  I also drank some pickle juice, which is another good source of sodium.  I can tell that I need to stay on top of this if this fast is to be successful.  I was having way more symptoms than I am comfortable with yesterday.  I am feeling some better today, and I think that is because I am being more watchful to make sure I get enough of everything.

If I can keep that in check and control my mind, there is no reason I cannot have a good, productive fast.  As I said, I want to reset some things and hope to go longer than "usual" with this one.  I also want to feel better in other ways because I have been feeling very achy, joints are hurting, etc.  That's what carbs and sugar do to you.

I had a water only fast yesterday and so far today.  On some fasts I have had one diet drink a day, but I wanted a clean one this time.  I had a significant headache this morning and I thought it might be from caffeine, but after a dose of the sea salt, it almost immediately went away.  So I think that was it.  And I know I have been dehydrated for quite a while.  I haven't been drinking nearly enough water lately.  (I did end up having a diet drink because my head was hurting so bad, but I can wean myself off of caffeine.  I may not need it again.)

It is now after 9:00 and I have made it through this day.  I feel pretty decent.  I was having some symptoms on the way home, but I had run out of calcium and did not take any this morning.  It had been delivered today, so I took some a while ago and am starting to feel the difference.  I am still feeling a little tingly, but it is the kind I associate with switching over from sugar burning to fat burning, or weight loss in general.

That's it for tonight.  Hopefully I will continue on a good track.

Wednesday, August 28, 2019

When It Rains, It Pours

I know.  I haven't posted in a while.  It has been one of those "when it rains, it pours" kinds of month.

To start with, my a/c unit started leaking again (like last summer).  (You may remember we were in a hotel over 6 weeks last year while that was going on.)  We realized it on a Thursday evening and I filed a service request with my home warranty the next day.  The service contractor could not come until the following Monday, so when I told them we needed help NOW, they said I needed to turn off the a/c for the weekend.  We cranked it up to 85 and stayed in a hotel.  I didn't want to take all the pets, and I needed it to stay at a level that was not dangerous to them.  They also had access to go outside through the doggie door.  I took my Yorkie with me.

The contractor comes Monday, supposedly fixed it, and we went on with our lives.  The following Monday, we realized it was still leaking.  I sent out some help questions on FB and my daughter asked her ex-boyfriend about it, since he is in the business.  In the meantime, we figured out a way to contain the water as long as we shop vacced it out twice a day.  My daughter's ex came and looked at it and found out our drain pan is cracked.  I don't know how long it has been like that, but I have had multiple contractors out to look at the a/c during the preceding year and no one ever checked for that, including the one who came the week before.  We called them to come out again, and sure enough, it was cracked.

In the meantime I contacted a water restoration company to look at things to see what was up with my floors.  (The a/c leaks water under my laminate floors.)  It was not as bad as last time and I bought water resistant flooring, so I wasn't sure what the prognosis would be.  They came and checked, and although not as widespread as last time, a lot of the flooring will have to be taken up, the surface dried up, and the flooring replaced.  Sigh.  I filed a homeowners claim.

In the meantime, they told me the air handler unit (the inside unit) would have to be completely replaced and I might want to replace the outside unit while I am at it, because they will be phasing out the kind of Freon it uses next year.  So I have been exploring possibilities about that.  To do all that, even with the coverage my warranty company covers, would cost me over $4,000.  Stephanie's ex said he could get me a unit at cost and it would cost a little less than that for him to do that.  He also said I might think about getting a heat pump because it would make a lot of difference in my utility costs in the long run.  Until the unit is replaced, they cannot start the drying out process and the floor replacing process.

I decided last night to go with the heat pump and my daughter's ex is going to install it without charge.  It will cost $5,000 for the unit.

In the meantime, the pump on my pool went out.  It is going to have to be replaced (unless I want a swam in my back yard).  That is going to cost me between $500 and $1,000.  I got blessed on this one, too.  My pool guy said the guy he would normally have install a new pump would charge me about $1,000 just for labor.  He said he has been wanting to learn to do it himself, and if I would allow him to install it, he would only charge me $100-200.  (He has been learning from the other guy.)  He does a great job with everything else and I told him to go for it.  I ordered the pool pump last night for just over $400.

On top of all this, work has been going absolutely crazy.  I worked over 60 hours last week.

So, I've been a little stressed.  You would think I would be more stressed than I am, but I know it does no good, so I haven't allowed myself to get there.  But I have found it difficult, to say the least, to concentrate on fasting and eating right.  And I haven't a lot of the time.  I am cutting myself some slack as far as my attitude toward myself about this.  I have enough to handle without getting extra down on myself.

I am also exhausted.  I just cannot seem to bounce back from working all the hours last week.  I am sure eating crappy has something to do with that too.  I ache all over and I am exhausted.  I have asked off an extra 3 days (besides Labor Day) next week while my boss is out of town.  I just have to keep plowing through and do what I can do.  I know I will get back to it, but I don't want to undo a lot of progress.  I'm going to go home on time tonight and rest, rest, rest.

Honestly, I am just so tired....

Thursday, August 8, 2019

It's Been a Long Week

Early A.M.

I made it!  I am so glad I did not give in.  My body seems to be getting rid of some toxins this morning, so I'm glad I gave it the chance to do that.  I still want to go until this evening.  We will see how it goes.

At Work

What is up with me lately?  As soon as I got to work, thoughts of going ahead and eating hit me.  I really need to make it through this, just to not perpetuate a bad habit.  I can do this!

A little later and I am fighting it again.  Don't know why it so hard lately.  But I am hanging in there.  I have about 8 hours to go.

Then, I found out I was going to have to work late.  I knew if I didn't eat any lunch, I would not be able to eat until it was pretty late, so I ended up breaking it at around 2:00 or so.

Don't know how I feel about that, but I've done some good work this week, so I'm going to choose to feel good about that.  It's not exactly what I planned, but that is how life works.

Going to eat wisely this weekend so I can continue with my progress.

Sure wish it was Friday.  It's been a long week.

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

The Struggle is Real Sometimes

Tuesday Evening

I just posted less than an hour ago, and a wave of hunger and/or "just-wanting-to-eat" hit me.  You just never know when that will happen.  For a moment I entertained a thought and then quickly turned it off.  I also started having some foot cramps again, so I think my calcium issue is not quite resolved.  I took some so hopefully it will be doing its job by the time I go to bed.  Those foot cramps when I am trying to go to sleep are tough.  And I have trouble going to sleep in other ways.  I'm also making sure I am up on all of the electrolytes.

So, I'm just talking myself through it a little bit.  I really want to stay on my schedule.  I will need to plan a week to do something different -- shake it up a little -- but not yet.  I think this and two more weeks is good before I try a week of one meal a day (OMD) or alternate day fasting (ADF).  I don't typically do as well when I do that, but I need to learn to do other types of fasting because you have to change things up so your body doesn't adapt and then you stop losing as effectively.  Plus sometimes you just need a break.

Wednesday Morning

I am 61 hours in to this fast.  I'm feeling pretty good this morning.  Mainly I am feeling ready for a day off.  My boss will be out of town Friday and Monday.  The thing is, they are coming to do the deep clean on the house Friday (and I would prefer not to be there then; it wouldn't be very restful), and Monday is the Memorial Service for our client and I want to go to that.  My boss will also be out of town most of the last week in August and the first week in September.  I had forgotten that Labor Day is coming up.  I think I will try to combine some extra days off with that.

I am struggling with a headache some the last two days.  That typically means I need salt.  I have been supplementing with salt, but not to the maximum they recommend.  So I will try to make sure I am doing that today, using a timer.  I will also take a pain reliever for the headache.  I would likely have one whether I was fasting or not.  If I need to, I can have some broth and that might help it (since it is usually pretty sodium rich).  Or I could drink some pickle juice.

Afternoon

I tell you what, sometimes it just hits me out of nowhere and I just want to stop and eat right now.  I'm sure that is not surprising to anyone who doesn't fast.  And maybe not to anyone who does.  It is the suddenness it hits me that surprises me.  I could have talked myself out of it very easily a moment ago.  And there really wasn't any reason for it other than I just want to eat.  These are the times I stop, put a few thoughts down, and talk myself through the struggle.  Sometimes I will use some of my motivational tools.  I know I want the benefits more than I want to eat the peanuts in my co-worker's office (she leaves them out for everyone); or the SF chocolate in my desk drawer (I don't even care for chocolate that much).  When I think about it, I want to continue as planned, more than I want to eat.  But it is definitely a struggle sometimes.

I just need to do what I tell people on my fasting FB page -- guzzle water and wait for it to pass.  Because it will.  I have also been thinking about that I will likely see my ex in the coming months.  I am making good progress and want to keep making progress, steadily until that happens.

One thing I think I need to do this weekend is I think I need to eat more.  I need to eat the right kinds of things, but I need to more of them.  I think it will help me during the week.  For instance, for lunch on Sunday I at a serving a meatloaf that I had made the week before and put in the freezer.  That's all I ate with that meal.  I need to add veggies or salad to that, and some keto type bread.  For dinner I had a bowl of chicken soup.  It did not have all that much chicken in one serving, either; neither did it have that many vegetables.  It had more broth than anything.  I am not always all that hungry when I do get to eat.  The times I overeat are when I eat the wrong thing.  But when I am eating low carb, I tend to not eat that much.  And I have read and heard that your refeeds are important after fasting.  So I am going to make sure I eat full meals on my eating days (after my first refeed on Thursday evening; I have to go a little lighter then because it takes a bit for my digestive system to wake up).

I was thinking a few days ago that I have another reason to look forward to Fridays.  Besides the obvious thing of it being the end of the work week, it is the only workday of the week I get to eat lunch.  Or breakfast and dinner, for that matter.  As I said, I have a light dinner on Thursday night, but it has to be light.

That reminds me, I did ask for days off on September 3 and 4, so with Labor Day, that means 5 days off!  I will likely want to do something different that week.  I will have to think about it because I don't want to get lax on those days and end up undoing progress.  But I also want to have some restful, enjoyable time off.  I could just do keto that week and not fast.  Will have to decide.

Evening

I'm in my worst struggle of the day.  I almost gave in.  I'm holding on right now, and hope I don't have to come back and say I gave in.  I just feel like it is important not to do that this time.  Perhaps I need to do something different next week to break it up.  I want to learn  how to do that.  So far, I am more successful with long fasts than I am with intermittent fasting.  I need to be able to do both because, at some point, I am going to need to stop losing weight and start maintaining.  So I need to learn to do both.  But this week I feel I need to stick to this.  If I don't, it's okay; three days does all kinds of good.  But mentally, I feel like I need to weather this storm.  And that is where the struggle is -- it is mental.  I feel fine physically.  I just want to eat.  And the struggle is real.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Looking Forward to a Brighter Future

Monday

I am well into Day 1 and things are going along good.  I made sure to take some calcium this morning (and have been every day since figuring out I was deficient).  There is always a part of me that mourns a little over not getting to eat, when I start a fast.  But I just remind myself of the benefits and it doesn't last long.

I was sitting here at my desk and reached up and touched my neck area.  I felt a much more prominent collarbone than usual.  Progress!  I was thinking that I have not been taking regular pictures and I have probably made more progress than I realize.  I know my clothes are fitting looser.  I took some pictures (I think in April or May) to compare to, and I cannot figure out where I saved them.  I didn't want them to stay on my phone because I took some with my belly uncovered and hanging out, and I certainly didn't want anyone picking up my phone to find that!  I remember thinking I would save them in a safe place, and now I can't remember where that is!  I am sure somewhere on my laptop, but it wasn't popping up anywhere I looked.  😑

Anyway, I will try to remember to get my daughter to take some pictures so I can at least have them to compare later on.  Hopefully I will find those earlier ones.  I took some where I was more covered up at the same time, and I would post those at some point if I can find them.

I bought a new dress online from Lane Bryant.  They were having a sale on dresses and it was almost half off what it usually costs.  But I'm not really liking it when I try it on, so I will return it.  For one thing, I don't fill up the bust area.  I used to never have that problem; in fact, things were always short waisted because of my big boobs.  But no longer (I had a breast reduction in 2011).  Supposedly I am a C cup, but I did not fill up the bust of that dress.

I have been e-mailing myself a reminder every month to possibly talk to a co-worker about a video series about obesity (The Aetiology of Obesity by Dr. Jason Fung).  "Aetiology" means the study of the cause(s) of something.  I highly recommend this series.  You can watch it on You-Tube.  It comes in 6 parts, I think.  I don't want to say anything about it to my co-worker until my progress is very obvious to everyone.  I keep putting it off another month because I haven't been making the progress I hoped (because I wasn't being as strict about my eating for periods of time as I needed to be).  I am now getting to where I might be comfortable with sharing it with her.  I wouldn't do this with just anyone, but she and I have always talked candidly about our weight issues.  She is much larger than me now (though shorter).  I don't think I have ever been as large as she is, but it is possible.  She even had gastric bypass, but has gained everything back.  😢   I worry about her health.  In times past, I do not think she would have been very receptive, but she might be now.  He teaches a fasting lifestyle, but you don't have to fast as much as I do to get results.  You can fast for so many hours a day and get results.  I just tend to do better on longer fasts, which is why I do it the way I do.  She knows I do IF, but she doesn't know how much I fast.

There is also an attorney here at work I would share it with if he starts noticing my weight loss.  He is quite large and does Nutrisystem, at times.  He lost over 100 pounds, but started gaining some back.  I have seen him with his meals recently, but can't tell that he is losing weight.  If he asked or commented about my weight loss, I would share about the video series with him.

Speaking of health, a dear client of ours died suddenly this weekend.  I don't know if it was a heart attack, or possibly a blood clot.  But it was totally unexpected for his family and friends.  My boss is putting on a brave face, but they were close and I know it hit him hard.  Plus you always think of your own mortality at times like those.  My boss is 73 now.  (This guy was maybe three or four years older than him.)  It made me think about that happening with him.  Not only would it affect me financially, it would affect me personally because I think a lot of him.  I've been praying for everyone involved, my boss included.

And then there were the happenings in El Paso and Dayton, Ohio this weekend.  This world is such an evil place, sometimes.  I pray for those wounded and the families of those who died.  Such a terrible, terrible thing.

My kids paid for someone to do a thorough cleaning on my house, for Mother's Day.  I am just now getting around to saying I am ready for them to come do it.  I will have to do some more work this week, but they are coming on Friday.  I say that because you need a certain level of order for a service to be able to do the deep cleaning.  Nothing is really bad, as far as order, but I want to make sure everything is accessible.  This is one of the best gifts they could have given me.  It's always a little humbling for me, though.  Not that I have a ton of time for housecleaning.

Tuesday

I forgot to finish up and get that posted yesterday, so will just keep going.

I'm still going.  Sometimes when I struggle a little, that's when I want to get some thoughts down.  It helps.  I felt a little of that this morning, but didn't have time to stop.  I'm doing okay at the moment.  Although, at times, my mind is turning to food.  I think that is an emotional thing today, since I just sent someone a rather candid message and I am not good at that.  It felt necessary, but I am basically one who tries to keep the peace.  But when things are hurting the other person and me by not talking about them, that is not a good thing.  So I am writing about it instead of turning to food, which would do no good.  Hopefully I can get more used to this being direct thing....

Later

I got to thinking this afternoon about a future with getting this weight off.  My desire for that is increasing.  That's good, because it is motivating.  I thought about starting to date again and just the better quality of life I would have.  I definitely want to keep moving.  I am on a good track right now.  I just have to keep focused and keep going.

I will close it with that.  I am looking forward to what I hope is a brighter future.

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Sunday

I did the last of my cooking today.  I finished up the ice cream after leaving the mix in the refrigerator overnight.  It turned out really good.  It is very creamy and scoopable.  Not hard and icy like so many other recipes I have tried.  My only criticism is it could have been "peachier."

I also made some chicken soup.  I had some for dinner and have frozen individual portions which will be good for breaking fasts.

I kind of rotated between resting and staying somewhat busy throughout the day. 

For one thing, I colored my hair.  I needed a little gray coverage, although I doubt most people noticed it that much.  The color was just right.  It seems like everything I have tried before has either darkened my hair (that was the Dark Blonde color) or made it auburn (that was the Soft Brown color).  This was just right -- it was pretty much my color, so covered my gray but did not really change the color (this was the Medium Blonde color).  It looks good.

I stayed on track with low carb today.  For breakfast I had the waffle sandwich bread with some ham and cheese.  I also ate two of the cookies I made yesterday during the morning.  I had a serving of mixed nuts later.  For lunch I had some of the meatloaf I made last weekend.  I had a little bit of ice cream not long after taking it out of the ice cream maker and putting it in the freezer.  Then I had a serving after it had been in the freezer as long as it was supposed to be.  Then I made the chicken soup and had a bowl of that for dinner.  Doesn't sound like that much when I write it down, but that's what I had today.  Could have had more vegetables....

Otherwise, I tried to clean up after myself in the kitchen, worked on my bedroom a little, did some laundry, took out trash, etc.  The rest of the time I spent watching my shows or resting.

I am having a problem with my mid-back this weekend.  It has been a bit painful.  It hurts to take a deep breath.

I turned on my fasting timer after having my soup, which was just before 8:30 pm.  The plan is to go through Thursday evening.  I really believe the calcium deficiency is what was causing me trouble last week.  I saw hints of that on a google search.  I just know the last couple of days I struggled a lot more than I typically do.

It really helps me to start my fasts in the evening.  If I woke up in the morning thinking I'm going to start my fast, I would talk myself out of it.  But really, the fast has already begun because you count it from the last time you put food in your mouth.  So when  I wake in the morning, I often have almost 12 hours under my belt, and that is motivating.

Hopefully this week will be a little easier and I will make some more progress.

That's it for today.